Lane Kiffin Leaves Tennessee for USC; Riots, Anarchy and Chaos Sweep Through Rocky Top
By Jason McIntyre
Lane Kiffin won five games in the NFL. He’s won seven games as a head coach in college football. The man has 12 wins on his coaching resume. He was dinged for six secondary violations by the NCAA (and counting).
Which is why blowhard Bill Plaschke is unhappy with the hire:
"A program that defines itself in consistency of leadership just acquired a guy who walks out of a Tennessee program after only one season. If he’s not staying in football’s best conference for one of its best contracts — more than $2 million a year — then how much chance does USC have of keeping him long?"
Just a guess: at this rate, Kiffin will leave USC in two years to coach … the Dallas Cowboys. Perhaps the Pittsburgh Steelers.
[Conspiracy theory I: USC used ESPN as a smokescreen on Monday and Tuesday, getting reporters to float names like Jack Del Rio and Steve Mariucci while the school hammered out a deal with Kiffin.]
The hillbillies on Rocky Top are going a bit over the top, as evidenced by this clown urinating on a Lane Kiffin t-shirt, and lighting orange things on fire.
We’ll repeat: He won seven games last year in his first season as a head coach in college football. Pat Forde of ESPN drilled Kiffin in one of the best columns on the subject so far:
"Paris Hilton has paid more dues than Lane Kiffin. Kiffin comes across as a guy who was born on third base and acts as if he hit a triple"
[Conspiracy theory II: Layla Kiffin orchestrated this from the minute Carroll left because she wants to go Hollywood. Would it surprise you if she’s been promised a spot in the Real Housewives of Orange County, or perhaps her own TV show? She’s getting into Hollywood just in time for awards season. Look for her on the red carpet at the Golden Globes this weekend.]
Dan Wetzel scoured the Tennessee message boards – hope he didn’t contract herpes – and found a few memorable thread titles:
"5. Glad I only named my dog Kiffin. 4. Al Davis wasn’t as crazy as we all thought. 3. Pat Summitt is more of a man than Lane Kiffin. 2. It’s like getting a divorce from a stripper! 1. Layla can stay."
This qualifies as fun on a Tuesday night in Tennessee. Let’s burn mattresses because our coach left! Whee!
Seven wins. Seven. The new king of shady. Buyer beware, USC.
Layla photo via Knox News