Yardwork: Seinfeld and Keith Reunite, Ubaldo Gets Rocked, and Strasburg Loses
By Tim Ryan
Royals 1, Nationals 0: Welcome to life as a National, Stephen Strasburg. In your new world, six innings of one-run ball and nine strikeouts will frequently earn you a loss. After the game, Zack Greinke and Strasburg handed out free DDTs in the parking lot to ease the frustration.
Rockies 8, Red Sox 6: Ubaldo had by far his worst start of the year, yielding 10 hits and six runs. However, he was opposed by John Lackey, who happily matched his crappiness. But how about this, Jonathan PapelPratt served up two homers in the ninth including a two-run walkoff shot to Jason Giambi. Hazel Mae of the MLB Network referred to Giambi as “Big Pipes.” She’s been hanging with Jon Gruden for far too long.
Phillies 7, Indians 6: He’s baaaaaaaack. More walkoff fun, this time off the bat of Jimmy Sisqó, who had been 0 for 8 since returning from the DL. And guess what, they served pie! Pie!
Mariners 8, Cubs 1: Cliff Lee is the tits. Last night’s gem makes two complete games in a row and three in his last four starts. Suck on that, Roy.
Yankees 6, Diamondbacks 5 (10 innings): Granderson led off the 10th with the go-ahead solo shot and Mariano pulled off another great escape in the bottom half, getting out of a bases loaded, no-out jam. The 40-year-old closer is simply unbelievable.
Reds 3, Athletics 0: Johnny Cueto threw seven scoreless and the Reds stay within one of the Cards. The JoeSportsFan staff continues to shit their pants.
Cardinals 1, Blue Jays 0: Kevin Gregg took the loss? See, now that’s surprising.