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Weekly Top 5: George Steinbrenner, World Cup Finale, Nothing, and the ESPYs (and Maybe LeBron)

Every week* The Sports Hernia and Cousins of Ron Mexico will recap the top five stories of the week. They are listed by importance, humor and relevance with a high degree of historical perspective in mind. Mostly, we’ll be reviewing the stuff TBL has run into the ground over the last few days, but sometimes a story slips through the cracks. Or some third reason allowing us to bring up something pointless.

1. R.I.P. George Steinbrenner
CRM –
I have no feelings about this man. He’s like the Michael Jackson of baseball and now everyone loves him. I did love him on Seinfeld though.

TSH – Opinions on Big Stein have been expectedly all over the map. One thing everyone can agree on is that he was a tireless, unforgettable, larger than life owner who famously put winning second only to breathing. Great dancer, too. Most importantly though, he inspired this:

2. Slow Sports Week
TSH –
It was a slow sports week. So slow that the world stopped and oggled poon at the celebrity All-Star game. Although most of us should be doing that anyway.

CRM -The one good part about having most sports off is that we’re not subjected to posts about how “This weekend could be the best sports weekend in the history of sports and history.” Have I ever written one of those posts? If I did, you can’t prove it because we don’t have archives yet.

3. World Cup
CRM –
I miss the World Cup a great deal. The first few weeks of the tournament were great. More live sports should be on my television at 9am Eastern.

TSH – The only annoying part of Spain winning was by doing so, it made Paul Gasol very happy. As far as soccer goes, I can say for the first time I’ll be paying attention when Euro 2012 rolls around.

4. The ESPYs
TSH –
Brooklyn Decker’s affable twins. Giddy up.

CRM – Obviously, the inclusion of this subject is a satire. Of course, its also one of the slowest sports weeks of the year. What a waste of time the ESPYs are. Do people really watch this? Though, on the other hand, Brooklyn Decker.

5. LeBron
CRM -
All I want is for Dan Gilbert to start leaking stories about LeBron and his posse. Dear LeBron, do I want that one story that ESPN isn’t even allowed to mention to be true. I also want the Heat to win 73 games and the title next year. I want it ALL!

TSH – This week in LeBronageddon has been all about NwO Miami. Bronnie already has Hollywood Hogan’s spray-painted beard, Chris Bosh has had no problem embracing Kevin Nash’s penchant for leather vests, but does Dwyane Wade really have the ability to go full heel? Hard to see him throwing a toothpick in the face of referees or opponents, although “Hey Yo” shouldn’t be a problem.

Honorable Mention:
R.I.P. The Voice of God, Bob Sheppard … Ichiro touched me! …Nets add Travis Outlaw to “Blueprint to Greatness” banner … a fucking hat!

This Week in Getty Images
TSH – I typed “Harry Henderson” into the search box in the hopes of retrieving a memorable side-by-side of John Lithgow and the approachable giant. Instead I got some dude named Josh Henderson at the “Harry Potter Video Game Release Party” in 2007. Curses. But you can get your Harry Henderson fix right here.

CRM – I know we’ve got some Vida Guerra fans here, so I thought I’d include these pictures of her serving veggie dogs. Note the chili pepper bikini. You would think that would burn.

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