Padres 5, Cubs 3: Mat Latos, the man who staunchly refuses to spell his name like a normal human being, went seven innings and allowed two runs while striking out 10 en route to sweeping the pathetic Chicago Cubs. The loss puts the baseball comedy act from Wrigleyville just 22 games under .500. But the Cubs are probably the only team in baseball where it truly doesn’t matter whether the team is good or horrific in order to have fun at one of their games. So they have that going for them. Let’s go boobs? Let’s go boobs.
White Sox 11, Twins 0: Naturally, since I crowned the Twins division champs yesterday, the White Sox put on a 21-hit show and shut them out.
Giants 5, Phillies 2: Cole Hamels has lost three straight starts, although that’s a bit misleading because the last two were good starts, unlike last night’s. Pat Burrell went 0 for 3 with two strikeouts and a memorable hooker.
Yankees 11, Tigers 5: In a showdown of MVP candidates, Cano went 3 for 5 with 3 RBIs and a homer, and Miggy went 1 for 3 with 2 RBIs and a homer. Although to be fair, if Miggy was in the Yankees lineup, the MVP discussion wouldn’t even be a discussion. He’d already be at about 50 home runs.
Reds 9, Diamondbacks 5: The Reds have won six in a row. They cannot be stopped.
A’s 4, Rays 3: Dan Wheeler did what Robert DeNiro so expertly explained in Cop Land.
I will never tire of that clip. The way he eats the sandwich is so under-appreciated.
Angels 7, Red Sox 2: I can’t believe the buzzing storyline was that neither team had ever swept the season series from the other. Matsui’s 3-run shot off Beckett ensured that didn’t happen.
Dodgers 2, Rockies 0: A complete game, 11-strikeout shutout from Ted Lilly. Wow, the Rockies suck.
Orioles 4, Rangers 0: Brian Matusz threw eight shutout innings improving to 5-12! He looks thrilled.
Astros 3, Mets 2: I’m still getting over the fact that the Astros have a starting pitcher named Bud Norris.
Oh, and the Indians, Marlins and Nationals won. In the words of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, “who gives a sheeeeit.”
[Photo via Getty]