Weekly Top Five: Strasburg, Bautista and Tiger and Elin, Oh My!
By Tim Ryan
CRM – Tiger or LeBron must always be on this list. That is not up for debate. If only Tiger would quit golf to pursue a career in badminton. I love how Tiger had his first really solid round in forever the day after his divorce was finalized. The “IS TIGER BACK!?” posts, articles and columns just wouldn’t have the same pizazz.
2. Tim Cowlishaw Announces Revis Will Sign
CRM – I just hope the Jets get this done so there aren’t any excuses when they finish 7-9 this season. If Revis isn’t there to shut down all the past-their-prime former All-Pros the Jets are going to face this season, well, that’s an excuse.
TSH – Poor Tim Cowlishaw was being bombarded on Twitter for an apology. Get over it. The rule, as always: Everyone’s an idiot.
CRM – Multiple days of previews, weigh-ins, live cage-side coverage… Before this is all over, I’m going to make you all care about MMA. Arianny Celeste is going to help the cause by shooting the November cover of Playboy. Yes, I will be looking for an exclusive this weekend.
4. Jose Bautista Speculation for the Sole Reason of Speculating
CRM – I mean, come on. This guy (allegedly) is definitely (allegedly) on something, right? You don’t think anyone questioned me when I started dominating at Madden ’11? Of course, I was on PBR (allegedly). What did you think kept me from going outside and turning off the XBox for all those hours?
TSH – I wish I could find the clip from In Living Color where Damon Wayans says “stupposedly” and “rellegedly.” It would fit nicely right here.
5. Strasburg Back to the DL! To Get Tommy John Surgery!
TSH – This guy has been eulogized on Twitter all day. All the Strasburg violins need to be Belushi’d at once. He’s not dead, people, he’s just injured. Wake me when the Nationals are exciting again.
CRM – Greatest stint on the DL since Sandy Koufax had polio!
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This Week in Retarded Pictures of Snooki
If there were ever a time to use the term Pig-Snork, the time would be now.
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Query of the Week
So, Fun Dip, Razzles or Gobstoppers?
