Yankees 9, Athletics 3: It was The Big Lead staff outing at Yankee Stadium last night and fittingly, the sign pictured at right was the unfortunate piece of real estate that rested in the overexuberant hands of a fan sitting in front of us. Just look at that masterpiece. Is that sweet, innocent, and completely misguided love or what? The one thing we couldn’t make any sense of was why Michael Kay is adorned with a No. 70 jersey. The only New York name we could associate with that number is famed Joe Montana murderer, Leonard Marshall. So we remain puzzled. And horrified. And embarrassed for said Kay sign holder because when the YES cameraman finally rolled around, the sign was upside down. Fail? Yes. Amusing fail.
Blue Jays 13, Rays 5: The highest batting average on the Blue Jays roster is Vernon Wells, at .267. That garbage is so scary it qualifies as 1991-Rob-Deer-offensive. Yet the Jays lead the league in homers (not surprising, says Mickey Tetttleton) and they’re seventh in runs batted in. What a weird team, led by the even weirder Jose Bautista who is experiencing the weirdest season. He hit his 43rd HR last night. Let’s just move on.
Reds 8, Brewers 4: Aroldis Chapman hit 102 mph on the radar gun. Yeah, and my name is Lloyd Christmas.
White Sox 4, Indians 3: Manny Ramirez almost got a hack, but A.J. Pierzynski took care of things with a three-run shot in the ninth inning to put the game away for the White Sox. But let’s talk about what really matters. Manny trimmed his hair and only spoke in Spanish, which he never does. No one, not even the great John Nash, can figure out the cartoon that is Manny Ramirez.
Orioles 5, Red Sox 2: Brian Matusz has allowed just three runs over his last 21 innings pitched. The dude simply cannot lose under the tedious tutelage of Buck Showalter.
Braves 9, Mets 2: Not only did the Mets get pounded, they also said goodbye to the great Jeff Francoeur after the game. He’s been shipped to the Rangers along with cash in exchange for Joaquin Arias and Ted DiBiase’s former bodyguard, Virgil.
Astros 3, Cardinals 0: The St. Louis Cardinals suck.
Diamondbacks 7, Padres 4: The Padres are losers of six straight. If someone in the NL West could grow a sack, we might be privy to a fun race as the season comes to a close.
Royals 10, Rangers 9: Cliff Lee with his shortest outing of the season against the Royals? You bet your ass. When Alex Gordon has a 3-RBI night, the Royals kind of deserve to emerge victorious.
Marlins 1, Nationals 0 (10 innings): In attendance for this one? Three dead rats and a scout for the Detroit Shock.
Twins 4, Tigers 3: Matt Capps got the save. The guy spent five seasons with the Pirates and part of this season with the Nationals. He must feel like Andy Dufresne when he put on his freshly shined shoes.
Giants 5, Rockies 2: Melvin Mora hit a home run and in turn, revealed to me he’s a Colorado Rockie.
Steelers 14, Bears 7: The top of the order — Andrew McCutchen, Jose Tabata, Neil Walker and Garrett Jones — combined for 11 RBIs.
[Kay grab via everyone’s phone]