A Michigan-Notre Dame Preview, Sort Of
By Tim Ryan
Renewed Hope? — Wow, looking back at last year’s post, it is pretty amazing how much genuine hope existed going into that game. I actually said that Charlie’s infamous “putting the ‘nasty back in dynasty” proclamation would begin that Saturday in Ann Arbor. Hilarious. Well the lesson has no doubt been learned. Brian Kelly won his first game as head coach of the Domers just like Jabba and Willingham. It was no stunner, but man is he a breath of fresh air. No chip on his shoulder, no ‘leave me and my fatness alone’ answers during sideline interviews and most importantly, no boogers. For some of us – or maybe just me – the Weis-less era of Notre Dame football is already a victory.
Renewed Hope? — I was fooled last season. A couple directional school beat downs. A rousing resurgence against Notre Dame. Talking myself into that Indiana team being better than I thought. I hopped on board. Michigan then lost seven consecutive games against FBS opponents. Not this time. I need to see them do it in October and November, in the Big Ten. They still play at Ohio State and Penn State and face Michigan State, Iowa and Wisconsin at home. The flirting intrigues me, but, with the secondary in its present state, this season could get rougher than a night in with Jim Brown.
***
New Quarterback! — I would start out by saying something like “for the love of Crist!” but then I’d have to follow up my painful Rick Reillyness by wearing a fannypack. I’ll pass. As for Dayne Crist, he was efficient in his debut as starting QB for the Irish going 19-of-26 for 205 yards and a TD. Yes, Purdue sucks, but it doesn’t matter how much Purdue sucks. A great start is a great start. Plus, Crist doesn’t look like a Chucky doll with Hulk Hogan’s hair. Massive bonus in that you don’t hate the guy simply by looking at him. That unfortunate trait will continue to haunt our old pal Jimmy.
New Quarterback! — Denard Robinson broke the Michigan record for rushing yards from a quarterback. The competition was fierce. 383 total yards. He was explosive on the ground, his decision-making has improved and his arm is solid enough to hit the guys his running threat leaves open. The one worry is an injury. He had as many carries (29) as the top two running backs combined. He will also be hit early and often.
***
Obligatory Chick Category — Advantage Michigan but only for the diversity. I have two high school friends who went to Notre Dame. One joined the Air Force. The other is in a seminary. That says enough. I’ll stay in the same approximate age range as Hernia and counter with the lovely Lucy Liu.
***
Latest Internal Tension — Joe Montana, one of Notre Dame’s most decorated alumnus, the king of Super Bowl rings and a man with a thirst for embarrassing endorsements has gone after Rudy Ruettiger? Pretty weak, Joe. Would have been best to allow the vision of a skinny Vince Vaughn as Notre Dame’s feature tailback remain untainted, and completely realistic.
Latest Internal Tension — Tate Forcier. All you need to know is he’s out, or maybe he’s not. What does “out” even mean? All I know he’s “a caged animal.” Go to the voluntary workouts to keep your next job, brah.
***
The Fight Song — The greatest fight song in all of college football took a bit of a hit this past Spring after the “We Are ND” abomination was released. You know you’ve stumbled upon a rare piece of shit when the baffling moving pictures match the lyrics in awfulness. They deserved everything they got for that one. But I’m guessing you can’t stand either school’s fight song, so may I suggest “If You Only Knew“? This ballad is performed by various WWF superstars, including Koko B. Ware and the Junkyard Dog. Can. Not. Miss.
***
Next Great Moment — Last year we did last great moment, so this year we’ll attempt to predict the future. Dare I say triumphant victory in a BCS bowl game come January? I believe I just did.
Next Great Moment — The day Michigan beats Ohio State…in 2018. The greatness will last for six days, until Michigan loses to them in the Conference Final.
***
Prediction — Notre Dame 34 – Michigan 24. A defense that appears to suddenly have the innate ability to make an open field tackle comes up with a big play or two.
Prediction — Michigan 35 – Notre Dame 28. Jesus is so awestruck by Denard Robinson he forgets to influence the outcome.
[Photos via Getty; Hannah via]