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The Roundup: AJ Burnett's Black Eye, Dan Hawkins Gets Bloody & Matt Cassel Has Been Historically Bad

Vanessa Hudgens … two men arrested for attempted robbery – of a sheriff – in a Craigslist sale … chocolate milk banned in Fairfax County elementary schools … two elephants and a cloud … nasty photos of human body parts spilling out of a shark … RIP English … “Montana GOP policy: Make homosexuality illegal” … Anna Kournikova in MaximQuadruple amputee swims English Channel … “Older men go on being physically attractive to women for at least a decade longer than they used to” … Miles Austin and Kim Kardashian are no more … strippers in Georgia sound quite funny … spend $70 mil in stimulus, create seven jobs? …

How’d AJ Burnett get that black eye? [River Ave Blues]

Colorado coach Dan Hawkins got bloody after head-butting a player who was wearing a helmet. [Buffs Zone]

The NY Times profiles Jason Whitlock, and here’s a quote from Dan LeBatard: “I try not to burn bridges, but he napalms them.” [NYT]

Terry Bradshaw jealous of Roethlisberger? Shocked. [Post-Gazette]

How bad has Matt Cassel been through 12 games with the Chiefs? He’s got the worst passer rating since Browning Nagel was abysmal for the Jets in 1992. [KC Star]

Missouri beat San Diego State with a freak play late in the game – but officials clearly missed this block in the back. [Wiz of Odds]

Another very good game for Mike Vick … there’s no way Kevin Kolb can get the job back this week, right? [Inquirer]

Plaxico Burress speaks from behind bars. [Daily News]

Kelly McGillis, the actress from Top Gun, got married this weekend. The photo of her is quite jarring. [Vows]

Much more later on the week on the 0-2 Dallas Cowboys, who play the 2-0 Houston Texans this weekend in the battle for Texas. [Star Telegramx]

By the time the NBA season starts – when the Heat’s Big Three adorn every magazine cover – yes, the Heat will be immensely hated. [Herald]

Delaware’s Christine O’Donnell dabbled in witchcraft. There’s no way she gets elected, right?

Don’t like Peyton, but the touch here is incredible.

The battle over Brandon Jacobs’ helmet. How’d it get in the stands, anyway? Later, Jacobs cursed at a reporter in the locker room. [vid via]

How does one of the best WRs in the NFL get 1-on-1 coverage on 4th and 10? Incredible pass (Schaub) and catch (Johnson).

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