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NFL Pigskin Pigsplosion Preview: Week 3

There are about five months of football Sundays in a year. They come during chilly – to – downright freezing weather. In the north, it snows during the winter. These are great days to sit home whether you like football or not. So why is it that women only seem to want to do things on Sundays during football season?

I don’t recall going out to lunch a single Sunday over the summer, but my girlfriend has wanted to go out both of the first two Sundays of football season. To her credit, we’ve been back by the end of the first quarter both days and she encouraged me to go to the bar for the games, but still. Its like she has subconsciously sensed that the NFL is here to take me away from her and she’s fighting back.

My roommate is a Bills fan. The last two weekends his girlfriend has taken him on overnight trips from Saturday to Sunday. They got back around 4:30 both Sundays.  He’s also going on overnight trips during weeks 4 and 5. Sure a week 5 wedding couldn’t be changed, but weeks 1 and 2 were activities that could have been done in August or on a Friday night.

I can’t even tell if its intentional. How

Pigsplosion!
This is a new one. Its something called a deodorant bomb.

Frauds!
Brett Favre must be regretting his decision to come back after his 3-pick, 1-fumble showing against the Dolphins. He came back to win, didn’t he? He’s not even going to get a chance to crush the dreams of Vikings fans this year. They’ll have moved on by Week 4. As for Flacco, 4 interceptions. Tommy Brady just got done torching these jokers.

Game Manager
Carson Palmer threw the ball 35 times last week for 167 yards. He didn’t throw a touchdown or interception and recovered his only fumble. Rumor has it his wrist band simply said “Don’t fuck up as badly as Flacco just did.” That’s solid coaching.

Pigsplosion and Gambling
Last week I was 8-8 again. I actually asked myself why I bother picking. The fact that there are two teams in each game and I pick half of them correctly… its a little frustrating. As for gambling, I did an awful job picking a single-week fantasy team over in the FanDuel competition. This week, if you want to compete against me in a 10-person league, send me an e-mail there are still a couple slots open.

49ers (-2.5) over CHIEFS
Say what you want, the last drive by the 49ers on Monday was tight. Seneca Wallace can’t save Kansas City this week.

RAVENS (-10.5) over Browns
What a rivalry game! This game is going to be uglier than you can possibly imagine.

TEXANS (-2.5) over Cowboys
The Social Network is probably really good, but also really stupid. Who cares about the real story behind Facebook?

Lions (+10.5) over VIKINGS
Jahvid Best was ridiculous last week. I hope Stafford comes back soon because this could turn into a damn good trio to build around. If Suh tosses Brett Favre like a rag doll… Oh, if only.

PATRIOTS (-13.5) over Bills
My roommate is a Bills fan and he’s missed the first two games of the season. He hasn’t complained yet.

SAINTS (-4.5) over Falcons
Does anyone else think its a possibility that these two teams could beat each other up while Tampa Bay rolls to a division title? I don’t think that. I was just trying to trick you into admitting it.

GIANTS (-3.5) over Titans
Vince Young just… At least he’s not Ryan Leaf.

BUCS (+2.5) over Steelers
At some point the Steelers are going to stumble before the return of Big Ben.

Bengals (-3.5) over PANTHERS
Kristen Bell needs to work more because she’s actually funny. Katheryn Heigl needs to work less because she’s not.

Eagles (-2.5) over JAGUARS
If Reid would just break down and start both guys, no one would complain anymore.

Redskins (-3.5) over RAMS
I love Michigan, but I hate shit like Denard Robinson’s untied shoes. Shut the fuck up. I hate when the media latches on to stupid trivial shit like this.

Colts (-6.5) over BRONCOS
Maybe Josh McDaniels and Bill Belichick shouldn’t have broken up.

CARDINALS (-4.5) over Raiders
The League is better than Its Always Sunny In Philadelphia.

Chargers (-5.5) over SEAHAWKS
Cougar Town is better than Modern Family.

DOLPHINS (-1.5) over Jets
Miami – New York is always a close game. No, I don’t want to talk about the Jets-Patriots game.

Packers (-3.5) over BEARS
Surprisingly, the Bears might have the firepower to keep up with the Packers. Or maybe the Dallas defense is just shit.

 

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