Weekly Top Five: McNabb Sorta Gets Paid, Good Teammate Tony Parker, Oden, Vick & Maybe Cam Newton
By Tim Ryan
1. Tony Park Allegedly Enjoys Bisexual Key Parties
TSH – No matter how many key parties Mr. Parker has attended or hosted during his lifetime, it’s doubtful any of them have lived up to the heavenly key party Kevin Kline attended in The Ice Storm.
CRM – Just check out the detective work of Brooks and you’ll be left thinking, “Damn, Tony.” Key parties. Tony and Eva both like boys. Eva liked lots of boys. Allegedly! Allegedly!
2. Donovan McNabb Got Paid, Kinda
CRM – As Rex so simply explained in the Pigsplosion, we may have overreacted.
TSH – Everyone went apeshit over the guaranteed $41 million McNabb was set to earn until we found out said guarantee was actually $3.75 million. But thanks to the 24-hour window between those two figures, we were treated to an array of McNabb jokes on Twitter, capped off by a hilarious beating at the hands of Tecmo Vick. All in all, it worked out well for most of us.
3. Can We Interest You in Something About Cam Newton?
TSH – No.
CRM – Can we party with Tony Parker instead? Wait, he likes who?
4. Video Game Mike Vick Returns
CRM – He’s kind of fun to watch.
TSH – Vick mentioned something earlier this week to the effect of “what if I had played my whole career in Philly?” With Iverson on the Sixers during that time, I’m sure it would have worked out very well. But screw the past, 2010 Michael Vick is the gift that keeps on giving.
5. Goodbye Greg Oden
CRM – I’ll miss his ginormous dong most of all. – TBL
TSH – Probably one of the more memorable reactions in the comments came thanks to the emergence of Greg Oden’s wang.
Honorable Mention
Jimmer! … this week in Katy Perry’s chest … Wilbon leaves WaPo… Chris Bosh tells JE Skeets to suck it, scored 35… Frank DeFord is crazy… A fucking hat!
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This Week in Retarded Pictures of Snooki
TSH – Fun fact: That spiked bracelet is actually a weapon from Gauntlet.
CRM – She’s the Cam Newton of reality stars.
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Random Song of the Week