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NFL Pigskin Pigsplosion Preview: Thanksgiving Week

Happy day before Thanksgiving! Most of you probably aren’t reading this. Some of you still have a half-day. Some of you are already drinking – good for you. I know today is a big party, but drinking at this point in the day? That’s big-time hero stuff right there.

Speaking of transitions… What happened to the quarterback slide rule? Remember when they first instituted that rule? When the quarterback gave himself up and slid feet-first, you couldn’t so much as two-hand touch him. Even thinking about going to the ground to give him a little lick and you were drawing a yellow flag and a 15-yard penalty. Now? They don’t ever enforce that rule. A QB gives himself up and guys take a shot and there isn’t a flag to be seen.

It drives me insane the way that the NFL institutes rules and enforces them for a year and then forgets them. Expect an influx of head-hunting in a couple years.

I’m kidding of course. Within 5 years all players will resemble bobble-heads because of the concussion-free helmets.

TURKEYSPLOSION!
This video hasn’t been on the site, but I swear it was.

I was surprised to find out this one had. Turkey!

Pick’emsplosion’em
Last Week: 11-5!

Patriots (-6.5) over LIONS
I’m thankful for the wife of Tom Brady and the girlfriend of Matthew Stafford.

Saints (-3.5) over COWBOYS
I’m thankful for the Cowboys sucking. Its something I’ve wanted since I was a little kid.

JETS (-9.5) over Bengals
I’m thankful for idiot Jets fans at the bar. I mean, shut up, but still. Last week this one jackass spent the entire second half on his phone. At one point in the Bills-Bengals game he started asking people “Jordan Palmer, is that Carsons brother?” Then when people said yes, he was blown away. Yeah. You’re a real big football fan. Fuck off.

Packers (+2.5) over FALCONS
I’m thankful for people like Ryan Grant and any athlete that gives something back.

BILLS (+6.5) over Steelers
I’m thankful for Ryan Fitzpatrick and Stevie Johnson who are better than Mark Sanchez and any of the Jets douche receivers. I’m also thankful that Big Ben is a confirmed asshole. That makes my hatred of him that much more justified.

BROWNS (-10.5) over Panthers
I’m thankful for my friends who are Browns fans. Especially Rex, who makes some sweet art for the Pigsplosion.

GIANTS (-7.5) over Jaguars
I’m thankful for the security guard at New Giants Meadow Stadium who didn’t want to throw me out because I was a little drunk.

Vikings (+2.5) over REDSKINS
I’m thankful for Brett Favre’s many failures.

TEXANS (-6.5) over Titans
I’m thankful for Getty who constantly provides pictures of hot cheerleaders.

SEAHAWKS (+1.5) over Chiefs
I’m thankful for television. (Hey, who gives a shit about either of these teams?)

RAIDERS (-3.5) over Dolphins
I’m thankful for Chad Pennington. Dude’s unbreakable.

Eagles (-3.5) over BEARS
I’m thankful for Michael Vick and the inevitable Bears’ playoff collapse. We know they’re horrible, right?

Bucs (+7.5) over RAVENS
I’m thankful for Ray Lewis and the consistently sick Baltimore defense. Somebody someone will tell Trent Dilfer to shut the fuck up because he had nothing to do with that Super Bowl victory. All quarterbacks are overrated – even the ones who were awful during their careers. Shut up, Trent. Mark Sanchez could have led the Ravens to a Super Bowl in 2000. You know, back when he was 14.

BRONCOS (-3.5) over Rams
Whatever Tim Tebow says I should be thankful for. Obviously.

Chargers (+3.5) over COLTS
I’m thankful that Philip Rivers is apparently the new “he’s just having fun out there guy.” At least that’s what Jaws kept saying on Monday. Seriously? Rivers is fucking miserable.

49ers (-1.5) over CARDINALS
I’m thankful for all the 49ers stuff my parents bought me when I was a kid. There’s still a soft spot in my heart for the Niners. Not enough to actually root for them, but good memories man. William Floyd. *points to the sky*

 

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