Weekly Top Five: LeBron Returns to Cleveland, Something About Qatar, and Other Stuff

1. LeBron James
TSH – LeBronathan’s showing was right above it, but I’m disappointed no one spat Mr. Fuji’s green mist at him as he made his way towards the locker room. Maybe next time.

CRM – While I dumped on Cleveland yesterday, remember that I wanted him to stay put. Good for Cleveland for not erupting in a riot at any point last night. This means you’re still not Detroit.

2. World Cup in Qatar
CRM – This is bullshit, but you all know that. Its all for the best in my opinion though – I have plans in 2022. 2026 and 2034 are much better for me schedule-wise. This time, corruption works in my favor.

TSH – One of my favorites, Tirico Suave, blindsided me with this setup: “For those bitching about Qatar getting the World Cup, I’d like to see you try and say no to this face.” Followed by this game-changing photo. I will never be the same, and I’m thankful for that.

3. Cam Newton is Officially Eligible!
TSH – No.

CRM – Nothing to see here. Until after the season. Then we find out the season didn’t actually happen. Easily my favorite part about college sports is that teams and years and trophies cease to exist. Also, new record – three posts in a row that mention our boy Cam!

4. James, LeBron
CRM – Never take a man’s headband off him without his expressed written permission or he might torch you.

TSH – L. LeBron Hubbard returned to Cleveland and triumphantly scored 38 points. The more you know.

5. Rich-Rod Get Fired Yet?
CRM – Christmas dinner at the Rodriguez home? Pan-roasted chicken with quartered potatoes, baby carrots and pearl onions deglazed in white wine and shallot… but Duffy probably told you that already.

TSH – That sounds relatively fancy for Rich-Rod. He seems like the type that would fart in his pint glass and then cover it with a coaster.

Honorable Mention
Balki should’ve eaten the cocaine in True Romance like this guy did … Cousin Ron aka Stephen Douglas featuring CoRM! aka CRM interviewed a fighter … Crucial douche bag … A fucking hat!

Query of the Week
Is Carlos a sore Boozer?

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This Week in Retarded Pictures of Snooki
TSH – Snooki got zapped by a shrinking gun, but quite tragically, her powerful beef curtains resisted the blow and remain enormous.

CRM – That’s no shrinking gun. Sean Kingston and JWoww are big enough to block for Peyton Hillis.