Onion Bag: Who Needs That Fernando Torres Fella?

Torres won’t slot neatly into Chelsea’s formation. To make it work, they need Lampard to play forward and handle the distribution for both Drogba and Torres. They must also replace Anelka with a Kuyt type who will cover a lot of ground and account for the dirty work those two aren’t doing.

It’s still early, but after $80 million spent the Chelsea fans who rushed out to buy their “9 Torres” jerseys should have a disturbing image in their head, of Andiry Shevchenko.

Witnessing History: Barcelona are the game’s best team. They bottled Atletico Madrid 3-0, winning their La Liga record 16th straight.  They are 20-1-1 on the season, including a 5-0 dismantling of arch-rival Real Madrid. Barcelona features the game’s best player. All three goals came from Lionel Messi, whose hat-trick pushed him to 24 goals in 19 Primera Liga matches. Counting all competitions, Messi has 37 goals and 15 assists in 31 appearances. The core of the Catalan team, since 2006, has won three Spanish titles, two Champions Leagues, the European championship and the World Cup. Only now, are they reaching their full potential.

Unprecedented: In characteristic fashion, Arsenal stormed out to a 4-0 lead against an overmatched Newcastle team after 26 minutes. In characteristic fashion, Arsenal crumbled when composure was required. Joey Barton goaded Abou Diaby into being sent off and single-handedly rattled the Gunners. They became the first team in Premier League history to lose a 4-0 lead. Emerging with a 4-4 draw was fortunate. Arsenal did pick up a point on Manchester United, whose unbeaten streak ended against Wolves. They have a ludicrously soft run of games ahead of them, but they remain a club that looks far too frail mentally and defensively to challenge for a serious trophy.

Sacked: Steve McClaren resembles a bus driver. He’s now free to seek employment as one. Wolfsburg fired the deposed England coach after he won only five of his first 21 matches in charge. Bundesliga champions two seasons ago, the German club hovers a point off relegation. McClaren resurrected his coaching career last year, leading FC Twente to the Eredivisie title. He joined Wolfsburg last May, but appeared overwhelmed and never found his footing after a disappointing start. It’s unknown where his pearly whites will end up next.

Really? No one is going to stop this? This is really going to happen? The international corruption outfit commonly known as “FIFA” has announced it has no plans to alter the 2022 World Cup. The tournament will be played in the triple-digit summer heat, solely within the confines of Qatar. Hope the futuristic air conditioning works.

[Photo via Getty]

Goal of the Week: Michel Madera (AEK Athens) vs. Panathinaikos