Rays 15, Twins 3; Rays 6, Twins 1 — Even without a doubleheader yesterday, Ben Zobrist still would have finished with a home run, two doubles, and eight RBIs, but with the bonus of another game his evening read something like 7-for-10, two home runs, 10 RBIs, and a complimentary blue fighting suit from Double Dragon for being such a supreme badass. I thought the 9-15 Twins would shake this off, but they’ve put themselves in an ugly hole that appears to be getting increasingly grotesque with each passing day.
Nats 4, Mets 3 — The winning streak is over and that’s mostly due in part to Livan Hernandez, who scattered seven hits over eight innings of two-run ball. According to my records, Livan is older than Vin Scully, but it really doesn’t matter. His age takes a back seat to the fact that he will pitch until the end of time.
D-Backs 11, Cubs 2 — Ryan Dempster’s line makes a set of pancake tits look like a perky, racket ball rack: 0.1 IP, 4 H, 7 ER, 4 BB, 0 K. Why not just show up to the ballpark engulfed in flames?
Indians 8, Royals 2 — Heading into tonight’s series opener against Detroit, the Indians’ 16 wins in April ties the club record set in 1988, 1996 and 1999. So the question is, are you still not a believer? No? Is the following video something you might be interested in?
Red Sox 6, Orioles 2 — Jon Lester improved to 14-0 all-time against the O’s, but to be completely fair, who isn’t 14-0 against the Orioles?
We interrupt this Yardwork moment to inform you that Major League Baseball is “looking into Ozzie’s tweets.” I knew it. Great. We’re all fucked.
Cards 11, Astros 7 — Lance Berkman was 4-for-5 with two homers. He’s on fire and what’s most annoying is he used his time in New York last year to bottom out, get slower, and grow fatter to fuel this joyful, explosive resurgence.
Blue Jays 5, Rangers 2 — Frank Frank got some revenge on his old team, picking up the win and striking out three of the five batters he faced. Now that’s a storyline, my friends.
Giants 5, Pirates 2 — Oh look, the Pirates lost a baseball game.
[Photo via Getty]