Yardwork: King Felix & James Shields Dominate

Mariners 6, Padres 1 — King Felix matched James Shields in the strikeout column, fanning 13 helpless Padres. He ended up going eight innings for the second straight game and allowed one run. It would be nice if Seattle would hurry up and just trade Felix to the Yankees. ‘Tis destiny.

Red Sox 5, Cubs 1 — I’m sorry, but the fact that Tim Wakfield threw 6 1/3 innings of one-run ball in Fenway Park is pathetic. The horrible Cubs couldn’t even muster a walk off the old man. Apparently the knuckle ball was working for a change. And though it’s not quite official news yet, it’s assumed Wakfield will pitch until the end of time.

Rangers 2, Phils 0 — The Phillies were shutout by Matt Harrison who had allowed 16 runs in his last 17 2/3 innings. The good news? Utley’s baaaaaaaaaaack.

Cards 9, Royals 8, 10 innings — This one was quite the ugly mess. St. Louis scored two runs in the top of the tenth thanks to two bases loaded walks, one of which came on four straight pitches to Colby Rasmus, who was fortunate enough to receive a total of five free passes for the game. And all five of those walks came from different pitchers, so at least K.C.’s ineptness was widespread and balanced. The Cards ended up drawing a total of 13 walks, making the Royals hilarious once again.

White Sox 8, Dodgers 3 — Alexei Ramirez went 4-for-5 with two doubles, a home run, and 5 RBI. He’s on my fantasy team which means I should reference how his clutch Sunday performance affected the outcome of my game against Ken Rosensquirrel’s Acorns, but I won’t put you through that because I know you don’t give a shit.

And this was mentioned yesterday, but it’s worth mentioning again that a suspect in the Bryan Stow beating has thankfully been detained.

Random Baseball Video Since MLB Advanced Media Hates Us All: The opening music for “Super Baseball” on Atari 2600 tells you everything you need to know about how elaborate the game was. Are those some sort of reptiles running onto the field?