Weekly Top Five: NBA Finals, Terrelle Pryor, Grantland, Plax, and Hockey
By Tim Ryan
1. The NBA Finals
TSH — This has been one of the best NBA Finals in recent memory. The recent Lakers-Celtics showdowns have been enjoyable, but watching Dirk rise to the occasion combined with the always captivating, confusing presence of LeBron James has made this whole thing a pleasure to watch. I’ve never felt too strongly about Dirk as a player either way, but this playoff run has turned me into a big fan. The guy is unbelievable. Win or lose, I think he’s proved a lot. David Stern is by far the happiest commissioner in sports right now, and for good reason.
2. Terrelle Pryor
TSH — Pryor finished with a career record of 31-4. If I can say this about a player at Notre Dame within the next 10 years I will get breast implants.
CRM — Terrelle Pryor is like Stringer Bell. He’s just a suit-wearing business man, looking to go legit. There’s nothing wrong with selling something you own and he knows that. Jim Tressel was just the guy to introduce him to the man with his hand of the faucet.
/nods at Whitlock
//cackles
///rolls blunt
3. Grantland
TSH — The first post by Bill Simmons was a splendid read. I’ve also been alerted that they’ve introduced a “Top Five” recap of the week in sports. High fives all around.
CRM — Not only have we been typing the definitive Top 5 for 18 months now, but this new thing doesn’t even feature any pictures of girls! Ha! Good luck with that business model. As I said to my associate, Mr. Ryan, via text – Some charlatan has stole a Ziggy and passed it off as his own!
4. El Final de la Copa Stanley?
TSH — I saw a couple of the goals the other night in the Bruins victory that evened up the series, so there’s that. I honestly don’t dislike hockey, but it’s just not grabbing me at all this postseason for whatever reason. I was glued to the USA’s run in the Olympics, but I’ve completely fallen off the page ever since. On a semi-related hockey note, when I was at the Yankee game on Wednesday, this guy was passing through the row in a rude manner during the National Anthem and I wanted to pull a Hanson brother move and scream “I’m trying to listen to the fucking song!”
CRM — I’m no longer rooting for either team. I’m just rooting for pain.
CRM — Plax went from lock up to lock out! Hi-yo! Try and find that shit on Grantland!
Honorable Mention
Confessions from Stephen Douglas … Jimmer Jam! … a fucking hat!
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Query of the Week
Gobstoppers or Fun Dip?
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No Snooki Photo This Week, As Her Potent Beef Curtains Have Already Killed 16 Italian Photographers
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This Song is Awesome