The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge Are Taking A Sporting Tour of Canada

Kate Middleton is now the Duchess of Cambridge. While Pippa is in England attending tennis matches and fielding lingerie modeling offers from Usher, Kate is touring Canada with her husband whatshisname. Along their trip they keep stopping to plant trees and play funny Canadian sports like dragon boating and street hockey.

When they played street hockey, the Duke took three shots on a Canadian goalie and went oh-for-maple leaf. Kate passed on an opportunity to shoot because she was wearing a pair of heels that sold out minutes later in the UK. Damn those shoes.

Later this week, they’ll be in Los Angeles for a fancy schmancy party that will celebrate rising stars from England. In addition to all that fun stuff, they’ll also check out Skid Row. Unfortunately, they will not be swinging by the East Coast. That means they won’t be helping us solve the NFL or NBA labor disputes (It is said that Kate’s eyes are so beautiful they could solve Hilbert’s sixteenth problem) and I won’t have to travel to New York City or Washington to get in line with thousands of other people just to scream, “OVER HERE PRINCESS!”

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