Roundup: Emmanuelle Chriqui, Rashida Jones, Roger Clemens, Rory McIlroy and the US Women's Team

Emmanuelle Chriqui at the ESPYs… Pippa is taking up golfunderwater hotel roomeff yeah Rashida Jonesbadass umbrellastactical grilling apron… what a job… Marion Barry’s son arrested for PCP… Mark Zuckerberg closes Google + account… little girl  hits hole-in-oneblogger doesn’t believe herfake pregnancy tests on sale…

Jacob Pullen will start his pro career in Italy. (KC Star)

Tyler Clippard became only the second Washington pitcher to win an All-Star game without recording an out. (DC Sport Bog)

There are dueling portrayals of Roger Clemens at his trial. Surprisingly, they aren’t butt head and jerk. (Boston Herald)

The US Women’s team is making their own name. (Washington Post)

Can Rory avoid the sophomore slump at The British Open that Tiger Woods went through? (Fox Sports)

Holly Sweeney won’t be there to distract him. (Mirror.UK)

OMG all my favorite Glee cast members are leaving the show! No, wait, your favorite Glee cast members are leaving. I don’t watch that show. (TVLine)

Mid-Roundup break from one of the greatest albums ever recorded.

Randy Couture’s ex-wife was almost choked to death (video) because of an incompetent referee. (Cage Potato)

Kobe ripping Derrick Rose’s Adidas kicks. (Larry Brown Sports)

Harry Potter 7.2 comes out tonight at midnight. Here are 5 creepy Emma Watson tribute videos made by fans. (Screen Junkies)

Buffalo’s Tyler Meyrs shattered the glass trying to get back at a taunting fan. (Puck Daddy)

Marc Cuban feared the jinx. (Basketball Jones)

Was RIM doomed from the moment the CEO decided he wanted to own a hockey team? (The Street)

Texas shuts down a school district because of poor graduation rates. (The Daily)

Patton Oswalt’s latest 5-second film. (Via FilmDrunk)

If anybody wants to buy me a Bacon Strips & Bacon Strips & Bacon Strips & Bacon Strips & Bacon Strips t-shirt, I would not be upset. That’s f***in’ smart.

Here’s Seth Meyer’s opening monologue from the ESPYs. I thought it was a solid effort.

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