Each week Timothy Olyphant and I will recap some of the bigger stories from the lively week in athletics. It’s a completely original idea that we started over 18 months ago. Every time this post appears, the theme song to Itchy & Scratchy elegantly plays in our heads. As always, please remember to be as irrational as possible when interacting with your fellow TBL commenters.
1. NFL Lockout
TSH — The NFL lockout is exactly like the scene in Spaceballs where they are watching themselves watch Spaceballs, except with less humor and more bullshit.
2. World Cup Hangover
TSH — I will miss Ian Darke and Abby Wambach’s head. Sorry, soccer, that’s all I got.
CRM — I think we’ll all miss Alex Morgan and Hope Solo. If they ever go away. Maybe soccer players are the new tennis players? Hmm? Remember Skylar Diggins?
3. Young Baseball Fans
TSH — Whether he took the nod from the usher’s direction or not, the kid could have kept the ball but opted to do the right thing. It won’t happen again for at least 37 years, so embrace this shit.
CRM — Catching a foul ball was one of the highlights of my life as a sports fan. You can be damn sure I didn’t give it to my little brother. Having said that, I would buy that kid a beer if he were old enough.
4. J.J. Barea Got It In
TSH — I’m convinced TBL jumped in the post and worded this category. Let’s be reasonable though… Barea has won, it’s completely acceptable to admit it. Just be thankful that it isn’t fellow midget Dustin Pedroia dating this fine piece of ass.
CRM — Their children will be featured on Toddlers & Tiaras well into their teens. Because Barea is so short. Get it?
5. Athlete Wedding Stuff?
TSH — I bought Joe Flacco and his lovely bride a spatula and went off the registry for Kim and Kris in the way of the always timeless, Pez dispenser. Tweety, of course.
CRM — Jet skis man. What are these guys thinking?
Last Week’s Query Poll Results:
Ninja Turtle Pops edged WWE Ice Cream Bars by ONE vote. (53-52)
*ahem* Loser Goes Home
This week in retarded pictures of Snooki
CRM — Is she happy? Is she sad? Is she pondering corn dog versus cotton candy?
TSH — She would make a wonderful Troll pencil topper.