Clifton Phifer tossed his fifth shutout of the season and went the distance, striking out eight after allowing nine runs in his previous two starts. Orlando Hudson was impressed: “I’ve never seen him off, even on TV. He doesn’t use his curveball much. His fastball command is spectacular. His cutter has just got better. Really sharp.” Hunter Pence had three hits and drove in two runs, including his first home run as a member of the Phillies. Every time I hear his numbers it will be pretty damn near impossible not to think of Ed Wade’s masterful incompetence. Thanks to the power of Carlos Beltran’s Milk Dud, he’s 7-for-17 over his last four games.
Cards 7, Marlins 4 — Fat Albert was a triple shy of the cycle and Tony La Russa didn’t freak out after the game. All in all it was a banner night in Miami especially since Wendy Williams — who looks like one Arsenio Hall’s characters in Coming to America — threw out the first pitch. The buzz was palpable. Yadier Molina has been suspended five games for acting like an idiot the other night.
Rangers 5, Tigers 2 — Josh Hamilton went 2-for-5 and continues to have a nice season, but I feel like I haven’t heard this dude’s name anywhere since the incident in Arlington. I find it somewhat humorous that Endy Chavez is often seen in the Rangers starting lineup.
Yanks 7, White Sox 2 — The Yankees have won seven straight with the latest coming thanks in part to 7 2-3 innings of one-run ball from Ivan Nova. He also struck out 10. I think it’s safe to say Yankee fans feel much more comfortable with him on the mound rather than Phil Hughes. The Red Sox and Yanks are tied for first as they head into a weekend series at Fenway Paaaahk. I’ve never been to Fenway and I’m aware that makes me an obscene disgrace.
Royals 9, O’s 4 — These two teams don’t even deserve to be in bold type. In fact, what they deserve is a tiny font. Here’s some decent news for fans of the Orioles: They’ve only lost seven of their last 10. There was truly never a dull moment with Prop Joe and Omar. “Well tickle my fancy, fat man…”
Angels 7, Twins 1 — Jim Thome hit his 598th career home run. It was really Dan Haren’s only mistake. The Rangers lead in the AL West is just one game. We’ve also reached the point, regrettably I might add, where we can officially say goodnight to the Minnesota Twins.
Indians 7, Red Sox 3 — Justin Masterson is a pretty good starting pitcher but let’s not start blowin’ each other just yet. If A.J. Burnett allowed three runs over six innings he would get mocked. He did strike out nine though and recovered nicely after allowing two runs in the first inning.
Cubs 7, Pirates 6 — Did you hear? The Pirates were pronounced dead at the age of 125 days old. Poor bastards.
Tyler Colvin’s moonshot from Tuesday was pretty outstanding. And so is that duck: