Miscellany

College Football: Week One Gods and Clods

College footballs’ extended first weekend is finally over. Here’s a brief recap of the awesome and the not so awesome developments.

Kellen Moore (God) Boise State lost two NFL-caliber wide receivers. Did anyone notice? Kellen Moore was what he always is, an assassin. Georgia stuffed the run, forcing Kellen Moore to beat them. He killed them, repeatedly. He went 28/34 for 261 yards and three touchdowns while hitting nine different receivers, including his brother Kirby. He still needs a Kate Spade “Sweet Pea” Posy Vase, if you want to help him out.

Robert Griffin III (God) Hello, Heisman candidacy. RG3 faced off against the country’s best defense the past three seasons, and lit them up for 359 yards and five touchdowns on 21/27 passing. Baylor should start 5-0. The problem? Six of the last seven are at Texas A&M, at Oklahoma State, Missouri, Oklahoma, Texas Tech and Texas. The Bears will be hoping a magical season raises their stature, as they could quickly become the odd team out.

Big East (God) Some might accuse Big East teams of swinging low, playing four I-AA teams, two MAC teams, Wake Forest and Notre Dame, but wins are wins in college football and “the BEast” is off to an 8-0 start. With coaching situations stabilizing, the conference should be deep. Not good, necessarily, but deep. Eagerly awaiting the report the Big East is “considering” adding Texas, Oklahoma and Notre Dame to form a super conference.

Mother Nature (God) Hurricanes, earthquakes and last weekend an intense line of thunderstorms that prematurely ended games in Michigan and West Virginia and afforded Notre Dame fans twice as long to savor their ineptitude. Maybe it was global warming. Maybe it was La Nina. Maybe it was signs of the upcoming rapture. Maybe the great football fan upstairs could not stand a fourth quarter listening to Craig James. Regardless, mother nature reminded us of our own inconsequentiality. Even football can be felled.

Utah State (God) This was no fluke. Utah State was better coached and outplayed Auburn. They out gained them by 100 yards with a perfectly balanced offense and didn’t commit a turnover. They held Michael Dyer under 60 yards. It was the Tigers who needed a kick return and an onside kick to win. If this happened to you on NCAA 12, you’d be down a flat screen.

Maryland Uniforms (Clod) First, who are these mythical kids these uniforms appealed to? The under-25 crowd may think Oregon’s nontraditional uniforms look slick. That doesn’t mean they want to go to a medieval joust on acid. Second, trending on twitter does not equal victory. Everything that happens in sports trends on twitter. It’s one of the few things large numbers of people watch live and comment about in real time. Trending says nothing concrete about popular interest. There is no correlation between trending and commercial success. Stop spouting this as though it’s significant.

Mark Richt (Clod) Boise State is a better team than Georgia. That’s the point. Boise State is a better team than Georgia. Mark Richt needed a statement performance in a de facto home game. Despite a size and speed advantage at virtually every position, however, his team got dismantled. He stood there placid and helpless as Chris Petersen pantsed him on national television. Not the best advertisement for his services. Seat temperature: scalding.

Brian Kelly (Clod) Opening game jitters? Losing to a decent, motivated South Florida team? Not knowing who the best starting quarterback is? All reasonable. What’s not reasonable? Losing your composure and going batshit on the sideline. You are the most high-profile figure at a prestigious academic institution. You make a seven-figure salary. Most importantly, you’re an adult. It’s a game. Ream the kid out in the locker room or during the film session. Show some decorum in public. It’s not that hard.

Oregon Precision (Clod) Another strong defensive line with time to prepare. Another whiff by Chip Kelly. The turnovers were devastating. Oregon’s running game never got going, forcing Darron Thomas to throw 54 times (last year’s regular season high: 33). This wasn’t a good thing. He was overwhelmed. The surface numbers don’t reflect the panicked check downs and misread options. Chip Kelly may be a genius, but, as we saw with Gary Patterson on Friday, even geniuses are subject to personnel issues.

Oregon State (Clod) Fortress Corvallis was pregnable. You can’t lose to Sacramento State at home (6-5 in FCS last year). You just can’t. Nothing good comes from FCS opponents. Why subject your program to the embarrassment?

[Photos via Getty]

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