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Weekly Top Five: FOOTBALL!

Each week Stephen Teach-Me-How-To Douglas and I will recap some of the bigger stories from the lively week in athletics. It’s a completely original idea that we started over 21 months ago. Every time this post appears, John Clayton logs on to see what all the fuss is about. As always, please remember to be as irrational as possible when interacting with your fellow TBL commenters.

In honor of fashion week we return to legends of the poon in Alessandra Ambrosio, Erin Heatherton, Adriana Lima and Lily Aldridge.

1. The NFL is Back
TSH — The NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE has returned and there only two things I find frustrating: 1) Nearly every single sports personality, not just Mark Schlereth and most of the NFL guys at ESPN, has adopted the “NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE” mantra to the point it can be heard multiple times in one sentence 2) Stephen Douglas regularly refers to buffalo wings as chicken wings when discussing one of Sunday’s most popular meals. Other than that I’m more content than a monkey eating its own feces.

CRM — And you can read all about it in the Pigskin Pigsplosion the least important piece of NFL-related literature on the internet. Woo!

2. College Football is Back
TSH —
I watched the South Florida-Notre Dame game with my dad and true to form, the Irish opened the festivities with a swift, impressive drive only to fumble at the goal line and watch the Bulls return it 96 yards for a touchdown. That sequence of plays succinctly sums up what it’s like to be an Irish fan, even when they were good. In a twisted way, ugly games like these are fun to watch with my dad because he has an innate ability to remain calm and positive despite a continuous stream of sarcasm and negativity. It’s great to have football back.

CRM — I’m a little less into college football than pretty much anything else. I do appreciate the fact that it has the ability to be on television and provide white noise on Saturday afternoons. I also enjoy people getting wound up over the games, the cheating and the conferences. Wait, do people even watch the games?

3. Peyton Manning is Not Back

TSH — Of all the players in the league to possibly be out for the season, it has to be Peyton Manning? It’s simply not fair. His giant forehead and banter with Jeff Saturday will be greatly missed.

CRM — This is no surprise as the Indianapolis Colts have had to overcome more adversity on their way to 25 straight years with 10-plus victories than any team in the history of ever. Indy and their fans will relish the opportunity to play spoiler on their way to yet another division title.

4. Stephen Strasburg is, Wait for it… Back
TSH —
Stephen Strasburg has returned to the Nationals rotation with the sole mission of saving September baseball. So far, so good. The dazzling 23-year-old’s next start comes on Sunday afternoon at home against the Astros. Expect the NFL’s early games to suffer in the ratings department.

CRM — Yeah? So are the Marlins. Bring on the playoffs.

5. Maryland’s Uniforms Rake Eyes
TSH — At least the Oregon Ducks stay somewhat true to their color scheme even though they choose to glow in the dark, but what we have here is just stupid. Even Denise Huxtable would be embarrassed.

CRM — It’s called “brand-recognition” and it’s the most brilliant thing ever. People love wearing ugly shit. Just look at Ed Hardy shirt. People are stupid and have horrible taste and oh my god I want one of these Maryland uniforms they are awesome!

TSH — I thought it was called “moving el needle.”

Honorable Mention
Pigskin Pigsplosion is back! … a fucking hat! … special bonus fucking hat! … there should really just be a “This Week In Hats!” post

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Last Week’s Query Poll Results:
Signing As If No One Were Listening trounced Dancing As If No One Were Watching (102-48)

Query of the Week…

[poll id="299"]

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This Week in Retarded Pictures of Snooki

TSH — Is that a martini glass painted on Snooki’s thumb?

CRM — I just realized that Pauly D has an eraser-head haircut, but it’s pushed back at an angle so you would never know. Brilliant.

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CBS, Fox or NBC Must Open At Least One Game With This Song

[Snooki photo via Getty]

 

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