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Pigsplosion

Welcome to the second coming of the Broncos sucking this season. From the esteemed pages of ESPN.com:

Consider the day this past summer when Tebow attended the Junior Denver Broncos Cheerleaders brunch. It began with an adult requesting a photograph with the Broncos quarterback. Security stepped in and forbade it, for photographs with Tebow were deemed an opportunity for children only, so the adults were waved off.

But Tebow calmly said to the men in the yellow windbreakers, “It’s okay. As long as everyone stays cool, I will take photographs.” And so Tebow posed for photos with all who wanted them. And the picture-taking lasted for quite some time.

Tim Tebow constantly proves that he is the greatest human being on the planet. He took pictures! First player ever! What was he doing at a junior cheerleader brunch? I have no clue. That doesn’t matter.

When all seekers had been satisfied, Tebow picked up a football and began tossing it around with a few of the junior cheerleaders. Soon an adult wanted Tebow to throw the ball to him, and the security men stepped in a second time, shaking their heads and declaring the receiving and throwing of passes off-limits to adults.

Again Tebow addressed the men, raising his hand and firmly — but without anger — telling them that this too was all right. As long as everyone continued to be cool, he would toss the football to all who wanted to catch it, regardless of age. And so it went that Tebow engaged in much throwing and catching, and it lasted quite some time, with men and women and members of the JDBC alike frolicking across Sports Authority Field at Mile High Stadium as in a scene from Roger Goodell’s vision of eternal life.

Is this real life? It’s one thing to reference this kid’s religious proclivities, but it’s a whole other to actually infer that he is Christ-like in his every endeavor. I’ve gone back and forth on whether or not I want Tebow to succeed because he has so many critics and unabashed fans. He is the Yankees if the Yankees stood for goodness. No matter what happens – a large group of people will be sad and a large group of people will be happy. I guess the fact that I just enjoy seeing people sad is what separates Tebow and myself. That and the 30-rack of Stones in my fridge.

Tim Tebow’s Song Of The Week

Sister Hazel and Tim Tebow do it all for you…

Pick’emsplosion
Last week: CRM (5-6-2) — Lisk.(5-6-2)
Overall: CRM (40-41-6) — Lisk (48-35-7)

Chicago (-1) @ Tampa Bay
Lisk: This is technically a home game for Tampa Bay, but it’s in London, where it is cold, windy, and more like Chicago. (Bears -1)

CRM: If Kate is there, I like Tampa. If Pippa is there, I like Chicago. If both are there, expect a shootout. If neither are there, I will not watch. (Bucs +1)

Washington (+3) @ Carolina
Lisk: I haven’t used it for a few years, but my “always bet against John Beck” angle is finally going to be useful again. (Panthers -3)

CRM: I thought we had decided that Rex Grossman was good again? Why must things keep changing? (Panthers -3)

San Diego (-2.5) @ New York Jets
Lisk: I would take San Diego if they were coached by Rex Ryan. That team is loaded. (Chargers -2.5)

CRM: If Rex Ryan coached in San Diego, he just wouldn’t be as hate-able. New York does that to a person. ( Chargers -2.5)

Seattle (+3) @ Cleveland
Lisk: Game of the week. (Browns -3)

CRM: I disagree. This game will probably suck. (Seahawks +3)

Houston (+3) @ Tennessee
Lisk: Gary Kubiak will inspire the Texans to turn things around–once they are mathematically eliminated. (Titans -3)

CRM: Imagine a world where Arian Foster and Ben Tate swapped first names. (Titans -3)

Denver (+1.5) @ Miami
Lisk: I wish the nation would stop talking about Matt Moore this and Matt Moore that. Give the other guy some attention too. (Broncos +1.5)

CRM: The shootout we’ve all been waiting for. I just hope that Knowshon Moreno doesn’t steal the show. (Dolphins -1.5)

Atlanta (+3.5) @ Detroit
Lisk: I predict that Mike Smith and Jim Schwartz will share a tender embrace this week. (Lions -3.5)

CRM: If your name is Matthew and you get lice at a young age, I feel bad for you. You’re in for a long, painful adolescence Matty Lice. (Lions -3.5)

Kansas City (+4) @ Oakland
Lisk: Jackie Battle would have never let Sue Ellen Mischke try on that bra. (Raiders -4)

CRM: This is Carson Palmer’s coming out party. The best part is that he might look decent against the Chiefs. (Raiders -4)

Pittsburgh (-4) @ Arizona
Lisk: This is that game where it makes no sense to think Arizona can win, other than it’s at home and Pittsburgh didn’t have much success there in the only previous visit. (Cardinals +4)

CRM: Didn’t the Steelers win the Super Bowl the last time they were in Arizona? (Steelers -4)

St. Louis (+13) @ Dallas
Lisk: Sam Bradford’s yards per attempt as a rookie: 6.0. As a 2nd year player: 6.0. (Rams +13)

CRM: The NFC East is just sitting there asking for Tony Romo and the ‘Boys to take it. (Cowboys -13)

Green Bay (-9.5) @ Minnesota
Lisk: I love this line for the Vikings, big line, dome team against outdoor team, new quarterback, and coming off a bad performance. (Vikings +9.5)

CRM: The Packers are the greatest show on Earth and the best team in the league. We’ll be pondering (What I did there – did you see it?) this ass-kicking for years. (Packers -9.5)

Indianapolis (+14) @ New Orleans
Lisk: Tracy Porter will intercept Curtis Painter to re-enact the Super Bowl victory. (Colts +14)

CRM: Painter to Porter? Sounds like a t-shirt. (Colts +14)

Baltimore (-8.5) Jacksonville
Lisk: The offensive line wants to protect Joe Flacco better. I’m assuming it will involve purchasing Peyton Manning’s quick release for him since Manning isn’t using it right now. (Jaguars +8.5)

CRM: /stares at Pigsplosion (Ravens -8.5)

 

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