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Weekly Top Five: World Series, Tim Tebow, NBA Lockout, and Carson Palmer

Each week Tim “Bo” Ryan and I will recap some of the bigger stories from the lively week in athletics. It’s a completely original idea that we started over 21 months ago. Every time this post appears, Soda Popsinki laughs in your face. As always, please remember to be as irrational as possible when interacting with your fellow TBL commenters.

1. World Series
TSH — The Cardinals bullpen bleeeeeeeew it last night. We’re finally back to reality so we can bid a fond farewell to Kevin, Gene, Feldman and Vargas. I’m proud to say that Jerry, George, Kramer and Newman are all back in the saddle, and I couldn’t be happier.

CRM — Two one-run games and a 1-1 series. That’s a pretty good start. To blame the Cardinals’ bullpen is to shortchange Ton LaRussa. LaRussa should have let Motte finish the choke job himself or work his way back. This whole “We don’t have a closer” bullshit is just that. Even the greatest closers of all-time have blown a save or two in the World Series. It happens. Now that Motte has failed, do the Cardinals even go back to him?

2. Carson Palmer is Back!
TSH — I mentioned this earlier in the week, but poor Carson Palmer was all set to get hammered in South Bend this Saturday night for USC-Notre Dame and now he’s stuck reading a Raiders playbook while occasionally weeping. He must be furious with Jason Campbell. This Raiders-related space also gives me an opportunity to mention Al Davis, who didn’t make the Top 5 last week because there was no Top 5. Al was one of the greatest, most unique characters we will ever see in the sports world. A true Raidah indeed. Everything about Al Davis, both good and bad, will be sorely missed.

CRM — I’ve been told that Palmer will fit right in with the Raiders because he’s familiar with the system and now surrounded by talented players at all the skill positions. My retort is that Palmer is still Carson Palmer and for years Carson Palmer has been less than good. And seriously, two first round picks?

3. Tim Tebow Time
TSH — Tim Tebow is gonna fight! Has Tebow cliched the crap out of you yet? He makes Derek Jeter come across as racily candid. His publicist needs to coach him a little, or slip him a Xanax. Since all the ex-QBs that partake in Sunday afternoon babble like Dan Marino, Boomer Esiason and Terry Bradshaw cannot stand Tebow due to his “fake quarterbackness,” I’m looking forward to him being trashed on Sunday should he deliver the 4-for-11 58 yard special so many are expecting and, frankly, hoping for. Whatever happens, it’s highly possible every seat at Pro Player Stadium will have an ass in it for the first time this season.

CRM — When we learned this week that Tebow was a better quarterback than Aaron Rodgers, it was all but settled that we would be subjected to more Tebow than we had ever Tebowed.

4. NBA Lockout
TSH — I’ve gone from not caring at all to hoping the lockout ends simply because NBA writers and fans are becoming increasingly whiny and annoying and, of course, have all the answers that “idiots” like David Stern and Billy Hunter can’t seem to come up with. On that note, I’m putting in a request for Rangers tickets. Hockey? Yes, hockey. I’ve spray-painted my beard black and gone full heel.

CRM — Things seemed to get personal yesterday and it seems like we’re close to getting some more games canceled. This continues to stink. We may have to lock out this subject because there’s nothing else to say except we’re screwed.

5. #NBARank
TSH — LeBron James is the best player in the NBA. LeBron James is not the best player in the NBA. These two statements are what we call opinions. If everyone agreed on everything we wouldn’t have an opportunity to call each other clueless assholes and make sarcastic comments about how someone could possibly be so stupid. So please, enough with the dramatics about pointless lists such as this one, you bait-taking dipshits.

CRM — LeBron James is the best player in the NBA. Even if that is not the opinion of everyone who voted. The system was flawed, but it did its job – we talked about it and debated it. Plus, it gave troll columnists everywhere a fresh chance to disparage LeBron while he’s busy working on his post game with Hakeem. Leave LeBron alone!

Honorable Mention
Coach fight! … Michael Winslow is still ridiculousChicago sports bar is smarte and speels goode … a fucking hat!

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Last Week’s Query Poll Results:
Smoking a Cigarette with Jim Leyland pretty much destroyed Giving Theo Epstein a Wedgie by a score of 157-50.

Query of the Week…

[poll id="310"]

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This Week in Retarded Pictures of Snooki

TSH — It appears Snooki’s boobs have been doctored. Up next? A surgical trimming of those problematic, bulbous beef curtains.

CRM – Goodbye, Jersey Shore! Yet another season has come and gone. Could it be that only one season remains? How long until Snooki finally fades into drunken oblivion?

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A Fun Video

[Upton & Snooki via Getty]

 

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