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Weekly Top Five: Tim Tebow, Mayweather and Pacman, Kobe, and Those Other NFL Games

Each week Stephen Teach-Me-How-To Douglas and I will recap some of the bigger stories from the lively week in athletics. It’s a completely original idea that we started over 23 months ago. Every time this post appears, a bunch of people start throwing pretzels at Whitey Ford. As always, please remember to be as irrational as possible when interacting with your fellow TBL commenters.

Pictured at right is Rona Gonzales, a woman who gifts us all with a divine presence on Twitter.

And you know what’s making a comeback? The nipple tassel.

1. Tim Tebow
TSH — Last Sunday’s Broncos-Steelers game was so enjoyable I found myself getting caught up in the moment and thoroughly loving Tim Tebow going nuts on the sideline when cameras showed him repeatedly screaming “let’s go” following a Denver touchdown. I couldn’t help but appreciate it, while at the same time wonder what the hell was happening to me. With each step of Denver momentum, I would turn to my friend and say “it’s happening.” And it kept happening. Unfortunately, the Tebow madness keeps happening, and like many others, it has worn me out. So tomorrow night, it’s time to bid farewell to Tebow Time; for now. I just can’t take any more of his press conferences, if only because he says the word “and” in the most irritating way imaginable. Yes, even worse than Coach K. So please make it happen, Tommy and Bill:

CRM — As sick of the Tebow coverage as we all are, it’s still kind of fun to watch. I know last weeks’ OT TD would have been exciting as Hell no matter who was involved, but the fact that Tebow was involved made it all the more unbelievable. I weep for the idiots who believe there is some sort of divine intervention involved. I’m in the camp that if God is real, he’s got better things to do than play favorites in the sports world. Unless of course he is, which means God is most definitely a dude! Am I right! What up!? *high five*

2. Those Other NFL Playoff Games
TSH — This is our last weekend featuring an NFL orgy, so soak it all in and appreciate it as much as you can. Tomorrow should prove to be awesome. I’m expecting big things from the Niners and Saints game, and of course a jailbreak of a circus to follow. Based on how things normally go, Houston and Baltimore will probably end up being the best game of the weekend since a) I don’t care about it and b) no one is talking about it. After that, we cap things off with the Giants beating the Packers, 24-21. Can’t wait.

CRM — Speaking of believing, I believe the 49ers are frauds! Taking on the Saints outdoors might not prove it, which means the Niners might make it to the NFC Championship game. It’s hard to say a team is a fraud if they advance to the NFC Championship. Dammit! And just stop it with all this “Giants are going to beat the Packers” garbage. And please someone give Joe Flacco the credit he so obviously deserves.

3. Mayweather vs. Pacquiao, Part XXXIV

TSH — By the time these two finally step in the ring 20 years from now it will be as sad and hilarious as the historic joust between Joe Kapp and Angelo Mosca, and will absolutely need to involve a cane. Please wake me when the chances of them fighting outside of Twitter surges past 50/50.

CRM — I know having this fight in a tiny casino arena would leave millions on the table, but couldn’t they build the stadium and make up those millions at Jerry World in a rematch?

4. Kobe
TSH — Kobe is watching and listening. He hears, sees and reads everything. Given that it’s a shortened season and there’s no team looking that dominant, could ring number six be on the way for Kobe? Stranger things have happened, though I’m somewhat scared that I would even root for such a thing to occur when not too long ago I couldn’t stand the guy. Loving sports tends to be a really strange experience, one that frequently defies any and all explanation.

CRM — There’s no way the Lakers are winning a title. What makes this amazing is how Kobe is doing this with a horrifically injured shooting hand. I couldn’t blog with Kobe’s injuries, let alone drop 40.

5. Tim Tebow Again, Because it’s Tim Tebow
TSH — Did you know that 43 percent of people think Tim Tebow’s success is due to divine intervention? Please strap me to a giant slingshot and fire me into a sea filled with merciless piranhas.

CRM — Yeah, people are dumb.

Honorable Mention
Pancake-gatesearching for Jeffrey Fisher … a fucking hat!

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Last Week’s Query Poll Results:
Ken Rosensquirrel took out John Clayton as the final player you would choose for a game of pickup hoops by a final tally of 69-45. Probably the closest vote to date.

Query of the Week…

[poll id="317"]

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This Week in Retarded Pictures of Snooki

TSH — Snooki’s right boob is actually Brain’s snout.

CRM — Jersey Shore is back! Finally.

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Find it in Your Heart to Help a Met

[Photos via Getty]

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