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Weekly Top Five: Farewell to Football, Jeremy Lin, Austin Rivers, Will Ferrell, and Other Stuff

Each week Stephen Teach-Me-How-To Douglas and I will recap some of the bigger stories from the lively week in athletics. It’s a completely original idea that we started over two years ago. Every time this post appears, James William Bottomtooth says something profound. As always, please remember to be as irrational as possible when interacting with your fellow TBL commenters.

Yeah, that’s Kate Upton again.

1. Giants 21, Patriots 17

TSH — Eli Manning won his second Super Bowl MVP and just as talk of his esteemed greatness is finally beginning to slow while we simultaneously finish eulogizing Tom Brady’s once untouchable legacy, we get to speculate what uniform Peyton Manning will wear next year. I just hope the incessant chatter of where he will play and if he will play doesn’t turn him into our next Brett Favre. Peyton really doesn’t deserve that, so please don’t do it, ESPN. Although please do continue airing the Eli-Peyton SportsCenter commercial. Pure gold.

CRM — Another great Super Bowl. Man, when Peyton Manning’s Seahawks crush Peyton Manning’s Dolphins next season in the Super Bowl, we’re going to be longing for the good old days of Eli versus Brady shootouts. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to ask Gisele to make me a freaking sandwich.

2. Jeremy Lin

TSH — Shaq called him “Baby Nash,” the entire city of New York has already knighted him, and my friend just sent me a text that said “Just Lin Baby!” Thanks to so many reasonable and fair expectations, I fully expect poor Jeremy to fall off a cliff and land in a pit of starved alligators by the end of the month.

CRM — Never heard of him. Until two weeks ago. OK. That’s an exaggeration. I had heard of him. I just never knew he could ball so hard. That shit cray. Of course, when he’s back to reserve minutes and shooting three times a game when Melo and Amar’e get back, you’re all going to look really silly in those shirtsies.

3. Austin Rivers Arrives

TSH — I’m still disgusted with myself for thoroughly enjoying this moment. Perhaps it was the genuine joy on the face of a proud Doc Rivers, but I’d like to believe it was the multiple shots of the lovely Sonya Curry, who looks damn good for a women in her 40s.

CRM — It’s always crazy when there is so much talent in one family. I’m sure young Austin will turn out to be a heck of a player and starting with a buzzer-beating three-pointer against North Carolina is a good way for any Blue Devil to start a legacy. Bolting for the NBA after a single season kind of flies in the face of that but whatever. I do know one thing – he goes to Duke so I’m not supposed to like him.

4. Will Ferrell Could Save the NBA

TSH — Will Ferrell is at his best when he’s playing Will Ferrell. If you didn’t get enjoyment out of this clip, you simply don’t like yourself. He certainly has my vote to replace that jackass PA guy in Detroit.

CRM — I’m in the camp that this wasn’t that hilarious. However, it was still highly amusing. Call me whatever you want for making the distinction. It just makes me realize that I am not past the humor of Will Ferrell and I hope I never am. Also, Tim and I wrote the same exact post about these introductions that night. They went up a minute a part. People were still responding to the deleted post 10 hours after it was gone. The Internet is a magical place.

TSH — It “wasn’t that hilarious” but it was “highly amusing”? Yogi Berra agrees.

5. Goodbye for Now, NFL

TSH — What are your plans this Sunday? Brunch? Shopping? Golf? Frolf? A fiercely competitive game of freeze tag? Video games with a friend in Japan?All I know is there won’t be any football. Last week we climaxed with a great Super Bowl and now for the next seven months we’re forced to remain celibate.

CRM — We don’t even have the Pro Bowl to look forward to this weekend. We’re going to have to settle for basketball and hockey. And baseball doesn’t start for weeks. WEEKS!

Honorable Mention

Sex swing go boomSteve Tyler’s tits again … a fucking hat!

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Last Week’s Query Poll Results:

Last week 81 of you hoped Bob Costas would dress like a 1930s paper boy so you could push him off his delivery tricycle while 53 of you had your hopes set on him dressing up as a Jedi.

Query of the Week…

[poll id="321"]

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This Week in Retarded Pictures of Snooki

TSH — Not only did Snooki get a boob job, she reportedly also got her beef curtains extended. Probably gets pretty noisy on windy days.

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This One’s Dedicated to Eli

[Photos via Getty]

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