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Weekly Top Five: Jeremy Lin, Kate Upton And We're Not Sure What Else Happened

Each week Tim “Wakefield” Ryan and I will recap some of the bigger stories from the lively week in athletics. It’s a completely original idea that we started over two years ago. Every time this post appears, Tyler Duffy updates his thesaurus app. As always, please remember to be as irrational as possible when interacting with your fellow TBL commenters.

Ruben the puppy was back in the news this week as he was adopted and given a new name to pay homage to the hockey players who rescued him.

1. Jeremy Lin
TSH — When my friend texted me “I’m in it to Lin it,” I instructed him to delete my phone number and jump off the most imposing cliff he could find. I swear, when Knicks fans get a boner, everyone has to know about it. It’s a powerful fanbase easily capable of turning a very likable player into the world’s most annoying person. I do love his approach though, Jeremy Lin already has the media figured out and he’s handled it with the swiftness of Derek Jeter, with the only difference being his level of sincerity and a slightly less awful haircut.

CRM — I’m trying to think of another sports story. Certainly none come to mind this week. Jeremy Lin is the most important sports story of the year. And it’s only February. You hear that, Olympics? The Story Of The Year gauntlet has been thrown! There is going to have to be a really attractive track athlete with an extra dead inspiring mother to overtake #linsanity.

2. Jeremy Lin Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue
TSH — Kate Upton. Jiggle. Kate Upton. Jiggle. Kate Upton. Jiggle. Kate Upton. Jiggle.

CRM — This is the other story from this week. Girls in bathing suits.

3. Tim Tebow Is Not Dating Katy Perry, But Google Doesn’t Care
CRM — That’s right! Read our silly stories about sports and celebrity. Take them in and discuss whether or not Tim Tebow could do better. (He could.) Wait, I just thought of the sports story that will overtake Jeremy Lin – Tim Tebow comes out of the closet on the eve of the 2012 NFL season.

TSH — I’m not exaggerating when I tell you that Stephen Douglas has “US Weekly” tatted across his chest. I only know this because he often shouts “they’re just like us!” while removing his top.

4. More Jeremy Lin and Kate Upton and Victor Cruz
CRM — Victor Cruz… sounds familiar… where is he from? The Super… Bole? Bowl! Yes. I remember that. What was that, like three years ago? It was B.J.L. Before Jeremy Lin. The Super Bowl seems like it was ages ago and it hasn’t even been two weeks.

TSH — This might be one of the most unexpected, funnest sports weeks in recent memory or the worst seven days of our lives. There is absolutely no in-between.

5. Gary Carter
TSH — Very sad news. It would be nice to see the Mets honor him in some capacity. Wearing their divine uniforms from 1986 for the entire season would be a wonderful start.

CRM — I do not remember seeing Gary Carter play baseball. The numbers don’t lie though. Hall of Fame (and it only took 6 votes!), 11-time All-Star, multiple Gold Gloves and Silver Slugger awards. And I think he won a World Series. The Fraternity of Catchers lost a great this week.

Honorable Mention
JR Smith is backEvan Longoria and a playmatePauline Gretzky is back on Twitter… a fucking hat!

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This week in Retarded Pictures of Snooki
Nice headphones dummy.

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Last Week’s Query Poll Results: You’re all very weird, but at least you’d rather hang out with Brian Cashman.

Query of the Week…
[poll id="322"]

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[Photos via Getty]

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