Roundup: The Oscars Were Dull, Jennifer Lopez Had a Near Wardrobe Malfunction, Joel Zumaya is Already Out For The Season

Oscars. No surprises for the big awards. Billy Crystal gave a retrospective of Billy Crystal doing the Oscars. Kristen Wiig got screwed to not win best original screenplay. Angelina Jolie’s pale, emaciated leg is still jarring. Yes, J-Lo came perilously close to a wardrobe malfunction. Rose Byrne because the pickings were slim, literally, and the Scorcese shot was the funniest moment of the night. If you want us to see more movies, make better ones and charge less.

Non-Oscars. The LA Times is starting a “membership program“, which is clearly not a “paywall.” The Republican Primary shows a party divided. Mitt Romney still wants you to believe he’s a car guy. Santorum wants to break down the boundary between church and state. No biggie. Obama wants kids to go to college. What a snob.  Hipster LeBron. Interstellar travel might not be so far off. Happy employees are more creative and productive . More violence in Syria

Layla Kiffin sealed the deal with Tee Martin [LA Times]

George Lucas should have put more thought into the Death Star’s trash compactor. [McSweeney’s]

The Mets Adam Loewen is trying to pull a Rick Ankiel [Star Ledger]

Crocodile. Testicles. Don’t ford a river in Zimbabwe unless absolutely necessary. [Global Post]

Jarome Iginla is too nice to market himself. [FOX Sports]

Baseball’s drug testing policy is flawed. [NYTimes]

Tennessee high school blocks atheist editorial from school newspaper. [KnoxNews]

Derrick Rose signed a $260 million endorsement deal with Adidas [Chicago Tribune]

British skier brought back to life after being buried in avalanche. [World of Sport]

Joel Zumaya already knocked himself out for the season, needs Tommy John surgery. [Pioneer Press]

Slovakians vote to name a bridge after Chuck Norris. It doesn’t cross the water. The water cowers in fear. [Guardian]

This is how I picture many of you…

Here’s Jamie Carragher speaking, walking out of an interview after a dick question. [via 101GreatGoals]

Otis Redding

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