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Game of Thrones: "Garden of Bones" Recap

I feel like the season took a turn for the better last night. I know this is only the fourth episode, but it was the best of the season in my opinion. It felt like almost everyone was finally getting to work last night. For the most part, it was good to see. Then there was Joffrey…

King Joffrey is a sick fuck. We knew he was a douche, but he is a twisted little boy. For his first appearance in weeks we are greeted by Joffrey pointing a crossbow at the woman he is supposed to marry. And then he gets a couple whores and… Look, I understand that Joffrey’s father is his uncle, but how does growing up as a prince get you to where he is? Having hookers beat each other for your amusement is some next level villain stuff.

Dany – Finally got… somewhere. You have to admit, watching Dany and her crew slowly die in the desert isn’t that much fun. It should be noted that Qarth looks like a wonderful vacation destination in the middle of a shitty desert. The Las Vegas of Westeros.

Rob Stark - The King in the North has a love interest. Finally! Her name is Talisa and she’s played by Oona Chaplin, if you were curious. I suspect a lot of the conversation will be about what a sick puppy Joffrey is, but did Robb just fall in love with a girl covered in blood while she sawed off a man’s leg? No wonder Ned Stark wasn’t cut out to sit on the Iron Throne – he wasn’t nearly perverse enough.

Ned Stark – What’s in the box!?

Tyrion Lannister – Continues to own King’s Landing in its entirety. Can’t wait to see his reaction to Joffrey’s “rebuttal.”

Arya - So far, only two people have been able to figure out that she is a girl. And now she’s in charge of Tywin Lannister’s wine? She might want to keep her enemy list chant a little quieter now.

Melisandre – As someone who hasn’t read the books, I can say that the Red Witch giving birth to a smoke monster in a cave was mildly surprising.

Bronn – Still being excellent, plus he had the quote of the week. “There’s no cure for being a cunt.” I would watch an hour a week of Bron

Renly Baratheon – Is Renly growing out his hair to rub it in Stannis’ face? Will he be able to do anything about the new smoke demon? Robb has a direwolf, Stannis has his smoke baby and Dany has dragons. Renly can’t possibly win with nothing but a beard and a boyfriend.

Lord Baelish – “The marriage of a wealthy girl always breeds interest.” Even Baelish understands pageviews.

Previously: Game of Thrones “What is Dead May Never Die” Recap
Previously: Game of Thrones: “The Night Lands” Recap
Previously: Game of Thrones Recap: “The North Remembers”
Previously: Game of Thrones Epic First Season

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