Luckily, in my advanced age, I’m realizing that they put people like – Kristen Stewart (15), Victoria Justice (19), Emma Watson (21), Selena Gomez (24), Taylor Swift (26), Lily Collins (56), Miley Cyrus (68), Stephen Colbert (69), JWoww (74) Christina Hendricks (77), Nicki Manaj (79), Lois Griffin (85), Amanda Knox (92), Kat Dennings (97) – on the list so people will… talk… or something.
Last year I made pithy comments about all the egregious selections. This year I’ll leave those poor girls alone and concede that many of them are fine looking women. It’s just that the idea of putting any of them on a “hottest” list before exhausting the entire SI Swimsuit and Victoria’s Secret rosters (for a start) is ludicrous. But hey, when you’ve got PG-13 skin mags to sell to eunuchs and 13-year-old girls, you can’t let real physical beauty get in the way!
Before I jump into the sports figures, there were a couple celebrities that I was surprised to see ignored. Kim Kardashian (35 last year) was left off the list. She’s coming off one of her most visible years too. Strange. Pippa Middleton (81) replace Kate Middleton (26 last year). Why not both? Why either? *shrugs* No Lena Dunham? It’s like they’re half-assing their half-assing of including newsworthy personalities.
Anyway, here’s the Maxim Hot 100 list and here are all the women tangentially related to the sports world:
93 – La La Anthony – Wife of Carmelo
Carmelo’s wife and the host of High School Pranks and stories about stuff that happened in high school. Remember that time we let that box of crickets free in the hall? How about her reality show? Does anyone remember anything besides the fact that she’s married to Melo?
87 – Paulina Gretzky – Daughter of Wayne Gretzky / Internet Phenomenon
Here’s Paulina Gretzky Playing Dress-Up | Paulina Gretzky’s Photos From a Recent Trip To Vegas Are Mind-Blowingly Fantastic | Paulina Gretzky Is Tweeting Pictures Again | Paulina Gretzky’s 9-Day Twitter Hiatus is Over | Paulina Gretzky’s Twitter Account is Going to be Sorely Missed
66 – Alex Morgan – USA Soccer Player
Alex Morgan in Body Paint? Alex Morgan in Body Paint. | Evan Longoria, We Know What You’re Up To | Alex Morgan Throws Out The First Pitch At A Royals Game | Alex Morgan, Hope Solo and Abby Wambach Start Media Tour | Alex Morgan: USA’s World Cup Crush
64 – Maria Menounos – Television personality /Super Fan
Maria Menounos Wore a Giants Bikini in Times Square Because She Lost a Bet
58 – Arianny Celeste – UFC Octagon Girl Extraordinaire
Arianny Celeste’s Playboy Photos Have Hit the Web
42 – Brooklyn Decker – Wife of Andy Roddick / Model / Actress
Erin Andrews and Chrissy Teigen Went to See Brooklyn Decker’s new Movie | Happy Easter From Erin Andrews, Brooklyn Decker and Chrissy Teigen
41. Zooey Deschanel – Mandolin Enthusiast
Siri, can you annoy me during the NBA Playoffs?
39 – Kate Upton – Model / Internet Phenomenon
Kate Upton Thunders Up With Kevin Durant and James Harden | Enjoy Kate Upton in a Baseball Hat | Kate Upton Wishes Everyone a Happy Easter | Kate Upton Did a Carl’s Jr Commercial In Stockings | Kate Upton: 2012 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Cover Girl | Every Other Post From The Last Year
34 – Elisha Cuthbert – Actress / Puck Bunny
Elisha hasn’t been in anything besides a Roundup since the site switched hands and the archives went dark. Last I heard, she was still dating Dion Phaenuf.