Ralph Lauren will provide the U.S. Olympians with their official clothing for the second straight summer games. For the 2012 Olympics opening ceremony, American athletes will sport white pants, a blue blazer and a beret. What the what? Americans in berets? Hipsters haven’t even adopted such ridiculous headgear. I pity Ryan Lochte, Bryan Clay, Giuseppe Lanzone and Heather Mitts having to model such traitorous hats on American soil! I say we call them floppy freedom hats and never speak of this again! I’m sure someone agrees with me on this … What’s that? FOX News? Shit.
Well then. What I meant to say is that this is a fitting tribute to the troops. Yes! I’m a huge fan of the troops, as is everyone on this website. God bless America and our patriotic red, white and blue berets! Everyone should wear berets in America. In fact, there’s only one person to blame for not putting more people in berets.
Oops. I can’t remember if I’m turning left or right here. Forget it. I’m still going to call them floppy freedom hats.