Jessica Biel … the  legally blind 18-year-old beauty queen … Katie Holmes used a disposable cell phone to escape from Tom Cruise … “What would happen if you tried to hit a baseball pitched at 90% the speed of light?” … Twilight fan hit by a car and killed at Comic-Con … “Can Oral Sex Cure Morning Sickness?” … 27-year-old wife stabs 72-year-old husband … “Teen uses ‘Swamp Men’ move to save self from alligator” … college kid’s column: “how to find the perfect husband in college” … ESPN’s Charissa Thompson, stylin’ … Ohio: “Fireball lights sky near fairgrounds after train derails” … Susan Boyle’s neighbors hate her …

Lou Williams is going to the Atlanta Hawks. He’ll have plenty of opportunities to score and rap. [AJC]

The Time I Whooped a 14-Year-Old Kid at Basketball. [LA Weekly]

The Bengals are charging fans $10 to attend a pep rally. Why would anyone attend? [Cincinnati.com]

The challenge of being a woman in sports journalism. [Penn State College of Communications]

The oral history of WFAN radio. Too bad Mike Francesa didn’t talk. [Grantland]

“For the ‘funemployed,’ unemployment is welcome.” Does anyone know these people? [LA Times]

Rashard Lewis joins Ray Allen as aging lethal shooters to sign with the Miami Heat. [Herald]

The media loves writing about Rob Gronkowski. [Buffalo News]

Moron arrested for shooting fireworks at cops. [WFTV]

“Four men accused of jumping out of a white stretch limo to film themselves attacking people in Wrigleyville are getting a bad rap, relatives said.” [Sun Times]

Headlines you can’t resist: “Naked Brunswick man who caused disturbance found in bottom of portable toilet.” [Bangor Daily News]

Second step to keeping Chris Paul – Blake Griffin inked a 5-year, $95 million extension. [LA Times]

Cookie Monster sings “Call Me Maybe.” Because everyone’s doing it. [via Hot Clicks]

Watch this man fly out of his sunroof during a car accident.

Andrew Wiggins appears to be an elite high school basketball player. Remember the name.