Tom Brady and Peyton Manning Both Leave You Crying: A Magic Football Fan for All Seasons, Part III
By Jason Lisk
Twelve teams remain, so let’s finish them up.
Baltimore Ravens (2000): When you draw the Ravens, you temper your expectations, bracing for another Cardinals situation. Tony Banks at quarterback? Yes, the defense has some talent and finished 6th in points allowed the year before, but the franchise has had no winning seasons. Three shutouts in the first five games has you hopeful, but a three game stretch of losses mid-year where the team fails to score more than 6 points with both Banks and Trent Dilfer at quarterback seem to signal a team that won’t have enough offense to contend. Baltimore closes with one of the most dominating defenses stretches in history, though. A tough win at Tennessee, a win at Oakland, and a strong finish in the Super Bowl leaves you with another Wildcard team winning a Super Bowl.
St. Louis Rams (2001): When you draw “The Greatest Show on Turf”, you are hopeful for a repeat. The Rams had defensive struggles the year before, but they appear to have solved them with new coordinator Lovie Smith. Kurt Warner throws for over 4,800 yards, Marshall Faulk has over 2,100 yards from scrimmage, and Isaac Bruce and Torry Holt are the most dangerous receiving tandem in the game. The only thing that stands between you and the title is an unknown quarterback named Tom Brady and one of the weaker Super Bowl teams in a while in New England.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2002): The Buccaneers had lost three straight playoff games when Jon Gruden left Oakland. The combination of Warren Sapp, Simeon Rice, Derrick Brooks, Ronde Barber and John Lynch produced the best defense in the league. Tampa Bay exercised its Philadelphia demons in the conference championship, then rolled over Gruden’s former team in the Super Bowl.
Philadelphia Eagles (2003): An 0-2 start is followed by winning 12 games to again grab the #1 seed. You’ve seen lots of bad breaks go your way, so when 4th and 26 happens, you think maybe this is a team of destiny. Probably the most crushing championship game loss, to Carolina at home, leaves the Eagles just short for the third year in a row.
Pittsburgh Steelers (2004): The Steelers had a rare bad year in 2003, allowing them to be in position to draft Ben Roethlisberger. Pittsburgh lost to Baltimore in week 2, and Big Ben replaced Tommy Maddox in that game. They never lost again in the regular season. Other teams have been better, but in the storied history of the franchise, none have won more games. A two game stretch with impressive victories over Philadelphia and New England was the highlight of the season. New England, though, got revenge in the AFC title game in Pittsburgh, knocking the Steelers out for the second time in four years.
San Diego Chargers (2006): For the third time, Marty Schottenheimer enters your life. Gone is Drew Brees; enter Philip Rivers. Shawne Merriman was lights out then, Jamal Williams controlled the defensive line, and LaDainian Tomlinson broke the touchdown record just set by Shaun Alexander.
Knock it down! How does a coach have so much bad luck that The Fumble by Earnest Byner isn’t even the worst fumble result in the playoffs? Marlon McCree intercepted Tom Brady on 4th and 5 at the end of the game, but then fumbled it back, giving Tom Brady the ability to prove how clutch he is, and the Patriots scored the winning touchdown. Nate Kaeding then missed a tying kick (badly) for good measure, so The Fumble and Lin Elliott could merge into one game.
New England Patriots (2007): Finally! You’ve been cursed by New England and Tom Brady in three different post-seasons (and you haven’t even been a Colts fan). Just like in 1998, you knew the minute the Patriots acquired Randy Moss that it was going to be a huge season. You just didn’t know how huge. 16-0. No wonder you hadn’t gotten to root for the Patriots yet, but it was all worth it. Wait, what?
Houston Texans (2008): The Houston Texans were getting better with Gary Kubiak and Matt Schaub, but an 0-3 start had them in trouble. Schaub was out, Rosenfels was in at QB. Houston had a 27-10 lead with 4:10 remaining. Then the Rosen-Copter happened. Needless to say, your second team to miss the playoffs.
As a side note, Houston ended up screwing Arizona, who were instead placed in 1994. The Texans had to go somewhere, and 2011 would turn out to be their best year, but also was the best year for others. Once the Texans had to go to 2008, you missed out on the Cardinals’ improbable run.
Indianapolis Colts (2009): Finally, you draw the Colts and Peyton Manning. It does not disappoint, as Indianapolis chases perfection just like the Patriots two years earlier. Disappointingly, though, Bill Polian and the Colts opt to rest starters in the second half of Game 15 against the Jets, losing the last two. Indianapolis reaches the Super Bowl for second time with Manning, though, and enter as favorites against the Saints. Indianapolis still had a chance to tie it, until Tracy Porter became a household name.
New York Jets (2010): The Jets had a wild and volatile ride through the 2010 season, sometimes looking absolutely inept, other times rallying for rousing victories with the combination of Mark Sanchez and Santonio Holmes, who showed great chemistry and no doubt are on the right page. A disastrous 45-3 at New England that effectively ended any chance at winning the division was avenged improbably in the postseason when New York got the last laugh on Boston. Two years, two championship game appearances, and more foot jokes than you know what to do with.
Green Bay Packers (2011): Well, you know who you are getting next. It’s kind of amazing that you managed to complete avoid Brett Favre during your 32 seasons. See, the Magic Football isn’t completely evil. Instead, you get the defending champs, and Aaron Rodgers has a MVP season. The defense, though, was a problem all year, and everything came to a head as Eli Manning and the Giants again play the role of spoiler.
So, you’ve made it. You survived 32 years of a year with each franchise. Your teams won just over 80% of their games, and you saw 30 teams reach the playoffs, 14 make the Super Bowl, but only 6 win it. As it turns out, that total just barely beat the San Francisco 49ers, who had the most of any franchise over that span. However, you missed out on titles with teams like Pittsburgh, New England, Washington, Oakland, Green Bay and Dallas–teams that all won multiple Super Bowls over the last 32 years, but none in the years you witnessed.
So what do you say, disgruntled Browns fan? The Magic Football can take all your pain away. Just commit to it for the next 36 years. That’s right, I said 36. Herr Goodell has plans.
[photo via US Presswire]