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The Houston Astros Are a Horrific Train Wreck

The Houston Astros have spent the 2012 baseball season continuing to set new wonderful lows in Major League Baseball’s department of suck, specializing in severely comical ineptitude and a healthy side of endless embarrassment.

This inspiring Astros bunch has lost an astonishing 22 of its last 24 baseball games. They own a putrid record of 10-41 on the road. They sport a run differential of -114, sharing the triple-digit honor with only the Minnesota Twins, who currently sit at 100.

In a word? Disgrace. In another word? Hilarious.

Rebuilding is one thing, but throwing officially licensed Houston Astros apparel on the first nine people to walk into the stadium and referring to it as a starting lineup is quite another. If you’re not feeling too queasy, take a look at the Astros morbid depth chart. It’s more pathetic than the existence of fanny packs. Rosie O’Donnell crashing a line of strutting Victoria’s Secret models would be less offensive than this. Can they at least pretend to try?

Believe it or not, the longest tenured player on the current Houston roster is three-year mainstay Wesley freaking Wright, who has courageously managed to remain the happiest baseball player alive. Wright wears the honorable patch of seasoned, go-to veteran by default mostly because new owner Jim Crane has of course decided to stick to tradition and once again clean house this year; just like last year.

Remember when the Astros traded for Carlos Beltran in 2004? Or when they picked up Randy Johnson at the deadline in 1998 for a playoff run? That feels like 103 years ago. The only remotely intriguing storyline involving this clusterfuck of a franchise is just how easily they will bust through that all-too familiar 100-loss barrier. Beyond that enticing nugget, it’s truly a horrendously filthy time to be a fan of the Houston Astros.

Previously: The Astros Have Bid Farewell to the Great Ed Wade
Previously: Astros Fans Are Unhappy With Move, AL West Likely Delighted
Previously: Houston Traded Michael Bourn To Atlanta
Previously: Hunter Pence Traded to the Phillies for Four Minor Leaguers
Previously: New Astros Owner Could Be MLB’s Donald Sterling

 

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