Tim Tebow turns the ripe of age of 25 today. The exceedingly chipper virgin, who will happily reside inside your television for at least the next seven months, is sure to experience an enjoyable day as every day is seemingly this young man’s birthday. GQ elected to put Tebow, a backup QB, on the cover to celebrate the NFL season.
Olympian Lolo Jones wants to sex him up — or take him to church, that was really just a shameful nod to Color Me Badd — and chances are, so does your girlfriend. Yes, Tim Tebow has lived quite the charmed life thus far and enters year 25 in New York City, the perfect backdrop to expand his overwhelmingly dominant brand. This chapter is widely expected to go comically wrong, so somehow it will all work out perfectly in his favor. Either way, Tebow will do it topless and wet while Mark Sanchez begrudgingly looks on, dreaming of the perfect interception while quietly wondering why he didn’t do that extra set of curls five minutes before his infamous GQ photo shoot.
In closing, while I wish Tim Tebow a very happy birthday, I’m pleased to share that on behalf of The Big Lead staff, we have gone ahead and purchased a My Buddy doll for the Jets backup quarterback. The reasoning is pretty simple: New York can be a tough, stressful town for a professional athlete. It’s important that Tebow knows he always has a devoted pal.
Feel free to share your thoughtful Tebow birthday gift in the comments. [Tim Tebow GQ Story]
Previously: Preseason Football: It’s Tim Tebow Time (Which in This Case, Means Backup Quarterbacks Get Their Reps)
Previously: AFC East New Faces for 2012: Bigger Impact–Tim Tebow or Lauren Tannehill?
Previously: Video: Tim Tebow Involved in 20-Player Brawl at New York Jets Training Camp!
Previously: Rex Ryan Doesn’t Think the Guy Who Said Jets Should Go For Two With Tebow Is a Complete Idiot: “That Makes Sense”
Previously: Why Did ESPN Send a Small Army to Jets Training Camp to Cover Tim Tebow?
Previously: Tim Tebow Shirtless on the Back of The Daily News Because Tim Tebow is Shirtless
Previously: Tim Tebow and Mark Sanchez Won’t Let Competition Ruin Their Relationship
Previously: Reporter Confuses Mark Sanchez For Tim Tebow, Sanchez Calmly Explains, “I’m Mark”
Previously: Tim Tebow and Eli Manning Both Appear on Cover of 2012 NFL Sticker Album
Previously: Tim Tebow Took a Shot at Brady Quinn and Notre Dame, But Then the Story Vanished
[GQ pics via Bob’s Blitz]