Last year, Jake Locker had one of the best rookie years of all-time, the Carolina Panthers challenged the 2008 Lions’ record of winless futility, the Sam Bradford/Josh McDaniel connection produced magic, and the 49ers were in contention for Andrew Luck to reunite him with Jim Harbaugh. What, those things didn’t happen? That’s just what Don Banks
threw at a dart board predicted last year.
To be fair, he did make other bold predictions that did come true, sort of. Predictions such as the Lions would make the playoffs, something that a fair amount of people, but not everyone, was picking last year. He also looked into his crystal ball to boldly be able to tell you that the Cleveland Browns would somehow not beat the Super Bowl Champion, that the Falcons would make the playoffs, that the Colts would not reach the Super Bowl in their hometown, that the Packers would trail by more than 7 points at some point, and that a bunch of quarterbacks with a tenuous hold on starting jobs would sometimes be replaced.
Well, he’s back at it this year, predicting that Carson Palmer will be benched in the first month for Terrelle Pryor, Brandon Marshall would have five (5!) double-digit catch games, Tebow would not start a single game, the Bills and Seahawks will make the playoffs, the Giants and Eli Manning would miss the playoffs while Peyton and the Broncos make it. He also boldly predicted the Ravens to reach the postseason, Norv Turner to be fired, and no team from Florida to reach the playoffs.
Well, I thought this was a good idea, so here are my Don Banks-style bold predictions:
1. The Patriots will overcome an offseason where their owner talked dirty and their star tight end partied, and despite the dreaded Super Bowl Loser’s Curse, somehow manage to reach the postseason. But it won’t be easy, and it won’t be clinched before Halloween.
2. James Harrison will remove someone’s beating aorta from their chest, hold it over his head, and stare into a camera taunting Roger Goodell during a primetime game.
3. Neither John Skelton nor Kevin Kolb will start 16 games.
4. Tim Tebow will complete less than 50% of his passes (in games, just so we are clear) but will lead at least one fourth quarter comeback when Mark Sanchez is injured, and then start the next week.
5. The Cleveland Browns will not beat the Super Bowl Champion. They will also not beat the team that loses in the Super Bowl (bonus tip, there).
6. Robbie Gould will not miss a single field goal all year, and will be named league MVP in a stunning vote, becoming the second kicker ever to win the award.
7. Norv Turner and the Chargers will start 2-6, but then will rip off 6 straight wins, before losing at the Jets to damage their suddenly surging playoff hopes. They will then beat the Raiders the next week, but miss the playoffs narrowly. The strong 7-1 finish will get Norv Turner another year.
8. No team that plays in the state of Tennessee will reach the playoffs.
9. Hines Ward will last one season on NBC’s Sunday Night Football coverage, then be fired despite being a fabulous dresser.
10. At least one quarterback who is not a starter entering the season will start and win a playoff game.
[photo via US Presswire]