NFL

NFL Pigskin Pigsplosion Preview: Week 2

Week 1 was awesome! Sure the games weren’t all that great, but its football, right? No time for love, Dr. Jones. Let’s just get to the games so Lisk can continue to show his superiority as a human.

Last Week
Stephen Douglas: 4-11!
Jason Lisk: 7-9

Tampa Bay (+7) @ New York Giants
Jason: Greg Schiano triumphantly returns to New Jersey (Bucs +7)

Stephen: Is this another one of those seasons where the Giants play like 12 home games? (Giants)

Arizona (+14) @ New England
Jason: I’m pretty sure that Kevin Kolb is undefeated when starting a road game in the Eastern time zone as a favorite of at least two touchdowns (Cardinals +14)

Stephen: Wes Welker would totally fuck Tom Brady. (Patriots)

Minnesota (-1.5) @ Indianapolis
Jason: I think when you go 3-13 and then manage to beat Jacksonville in OT at home, you are what we call the opposite of a live road favorite. (Colts +1.5)

Stephen: Think they still have that zip line? (Vikings)

New Orleans (-3) @ Carolina
Jason: Cam Newton thinks the Panthers will average more than 10 points a game this year. Way to go out on a limb and guarantee you will be better than the ’76 Bucs. (Saints)

Stephen: Roger Goodell set the line at -7, but a judge reduced it. (Panthers)

Kansas City (+3) @ Buffalo
Jason: Matt Cassel vs. Ryan Fitzpatrick may not be the quarterback duel the nation wants, but it is the one the nation needs in these dark times. (Bills)

Stephen: Buffalo will never be able to wash off the stench of losing to the Jets. I pity the city of Buffalo. Poor bastards. (Bills!)

Baltimore (+3) @ Philadelphia
Jason: My man Mike once had a gambling theory, look for the line that makes the least sense to the layman, and then go the opposite. (Eagles -3)

Stephen: Michael Vick hasn’t even had an injury yet and he’s already ruining fantasy seasons around the world. (Ravens)

Oakland (-3) @ Miami
Jason: This one could be to avoid being completed removed from the power rankings. Big fake stakes here, almost as big and fake as other things featured in the Pigsplosion. (Raiders)

Stephen: Sarah McLachlan should make a video telling America that some people will have to watch this game. (Raiders)

Cleveland (+7) @ Cincinnati
Jason: Cincinnati is this year’s team that is going to struggle with injuries, and then the quarterback will play exactly the same and everyone will turn on him. (Browns +7)

Stephen: Odds the winner of the battle for Ohio is like, “You can keep it” after the game is over? (Bengals!)

Houston (-7.5) @ Jacksonville
Jason: The Wrath of Khan will leave the Texans with a long voyage home. (Jaguars +7.5)

Stephen: Fear the black tarp! (Texans)

Dallas (-3) @ Seattle
Jason: Tony Romo returns to the place where it all began. (Seahawks +3)

Stephen: Those two weeks where everyone thought whatshisname was a great quarterback were fun. Oh, to go back to the late summer of 2012. (Cowboys)

Washington (-3) @ St. Louis
Jason: I’m not going to look it up, but I’m pretty sure that teams that win as big underdogs and have a swing to favorites don’t fare well the next week, so we’ll just go with that (Rams +3)

Stephen: RGIII! He’s a real firecracker! Whoops! Wrong ethnicity! (Redskins)

New York Jets (+6) @ Pittsburgh
Jason: As the only person to pick the Jets to make the playoffs, I would just like to say suck it. (Jets +6)

Stephen: Go Steelers! (Steelers)

Tennessee (+6) @ San Diego
Jason: [crickets] (Chargers -6)

Stephen: LDT just hasn’t been that good in fantasy this season. (Chargers)

Detroit (+7) @ San Francisco
Jason: Expect Harbaugh to give a laurel, and a hearty handshake, to Jim Schwartz at the end of this one. (49ers -7)

Stephen: I can’t decide who the best team in the world is if teams keep winning and losing! If the Lions beat the 49ers I will have to make a new declarative statement about the Best Team in the NFL. (49ers)

Denver (+3) @ Atlanta
Jason: I’m pretty sure Manning struggles in domes. (Falcons -3)

Stephen: Roger Goodell has declared that any week the Broncos are not in a primetime game, Manning may be lent out to a team that is playing on either ESPN or NFL Network. (Broncos)

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