Beano Cook: The Story About the Lady Who Wanted the Pitt Football Roster

Encapsulating a character like Beano Cook can be hard, though this anecdote from his time as Pitt’s SID that appeared in his 1982 profile in Sports Illustrated is a gem.

When Beano Cook, the newest member of ABC’s college football announcing team, was the Pitt sports information director, he got a call one day from a woman asking for a copy of the Panthers’ football roster. “But lady,” Beano replied, “there are 120 guys out for the team right now. You really oughtta wait three weeks, till we make the cuts and are down to 75 or 80 kids. Otherwise, it’s really a waste of your time.”

The woman, however, was adamant. She needed the roster. Pronto. “But why?” Beano asked, dreading the hours it would take to round up the name of every tackling dummy cluttering up the practice field. “Because,” she said, matter of factly, “I want to sleep with everybody on the Pitt football team.”

Beano gasped. “Well,” he said, clearing his throat, “in alphabetical order, starting at guard…Cook, Beano.”

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