NFL

NFL Pigskin Pigsplosion Picks: Week 13

We have returned. How many weeks did we miss? A month? Here’s the Thanksgiving-themed logo as a way of saying sorry.

Jason– Yeah, I’ve been battling what seems like a month long illness in the household. You know, you would think that when one of the spouses worked in health care and handled bodily functions for a living, that person might be the one who could deal with this stuff. But Noooooooo. Also, you might want to clean your keyboard after reading this. Sorry.

Several Weeks Ago: Stephen (7-6), Jason (5-8)

Season: Stephen (61-69-5), Jason (70-67-5)

 

Seattle (+4.5) @ Chicago
CRM – Remember when the Seahawks were 7-9 and beat the Bears in the playoffs? That was some fine schadenfreude that day. (Bears)

Lisk – Ummmm. They lost to the Bears, and Maurice Jones-Drew was a week away from becoming a doctor. (Seahawks)

Minnesota (+9) @ Green Bay
CRM – The Favre Bowl. Everybody gets laid. (Packers)

Lisk – That’s a disgusting comment. /moons Stephen (Packers)

San Francisco (-7.5) @ St. Louis
CRM – I feel like people are really just going through the motions with their support of Alex Smith. He’s a white guy without tattoos. I feel like we should be standing taller behind him, ya know? (49ers)

Lisk – Let’s not forget the biggest shock here against those that want things the old way, an Oklahoma quarterback trying to succeed in the NFL. (Rams)

Arizona (+4.5) @ New York Jets
CRM – Just when you think they’re done, they keep playing games. Thank you, Jets. Thank you for an amazing year. May your future victories only take place to raise your fans’ expectations! (Cardinals)

Lisk – Mark Sanchez for MVP (of funny GIFs) (Jets)

Carolina (-3) @ Kansas City
CRM – So this is a game that someone will probably watch. Perhaps Lisk can take his son out for a tattoo? (Chiefs)

Lisk – The comedy factor of bad football is underrated. Of course, I’m rationalizing why I will watch. (Panthers)

Indianapolis (+4.5) @ Detroit
CRM – I swear in Ndamukong Suh hurts Andrew Luck… Am I the only one who feels that way? Luck is a gentle flower and possible future face of the NFL and Suh is a thuggy thug who would run him over and kick him in the junk. (Colts)

Lisk - Rooting for Jim Schwartz to challenge the coin flip here. (Lions)

Jacksonville (+6) @ Buffalo
CRM – I am really excited for this game. Seriously. (Bills)

Lisk – Chad Henne’s mustache versus Ryan Fitzpatrick’s beard. The best facial matchup possible this year since we won’t get Chad Henne’s mustache versus Mark Sanchez’ beard. (Bills)

New England (-9) @ Miami
CRM – If Wes Welker hangs out on the beach without lotion on Saturday, the Dolphins have a chance. (Patriots)

Lisk - Why is Tom Brady throwing passes in the first quarter? Belichick is a monster. (Dolphins)

Houston (-6.5) @Tennessee
CRM – Remember the Oilers and their simple, but flashy uniforms? Do you ever think about teams moving from a city and then another team moving to that city? What is up with that? (Texans)

Lisk – Houston has played zero quarters of football in the last eight days. Slackers. (Titans)

Tampa Bay (+7) @ Denver
CRM – No two quarterbacks have more polar opposite hair than Peyton Manning and Josh Freeman. (Broncos)

Lisk – The Broncos can win the division with a win here. Unbelievable. Never mind, I looked at the rest of the division. (Broncos)

Pittsburgh (+7) @ Baltimore
CRM – Ben Roethlisberger and Joe Flacco look like they could be incompetent henchmen on the next season of Justified. (Steelers)

Lisk – Joe Flacco is the best quarterback ever at checking down on 4th and 29. (Steelers)

Cleveland (+1.5) @ Oakland
CRM – Oakland is the Cleveland of California. (Browns)

Lisk – Joe Haden says the Browns are one of the top 5 defenses in the league now that they handled Charlie Batch. Hilarious. (Raiders)

Cincinnati (-2) @ San Diego
CRM – San Diego is the Cincinnati of California. They’re both so glamorous. (Bengals)

Lisk – Tijuana = Kentucky ? God Bless America, by the way ——> This is where Norv begins his charge to retain his job and narrowly miss the postseason. (Chargers)

Philadelphia (+10) @ Dallas
CRM – The staggering incompetence involved in this game is staggering. (Cowboys)

Lisk – The Cowboys covering a 10 point line? I mean, the Eagles stink, but this would require the Cowboys to not lay an egg, sleepwalk, and come out flat. (Eagles)

New York Giants (-3) @ Washington
CRM – After every touchdown, Eli Manning should sit down on the field. Then maybe he’d get some endorsements. (Giants)

Lisk – The Giants played too well last week, now everyone believes in them. (Redskins).

 

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