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New Orleans Changing Their Name to Pelicans Would Be an Embarrassment For a League Otherwise Filled With Sensible Names

The New Orleans NBA franchise recently purchased by Saints owner Tom Benson has made a big mistake. Changing their name to the Pelicans?

Nope.

Letting you know about it before hand. They should have just showed up one day with fancy new uniforms and the name “Pelicans” on the front. People love to complain about names, and it’s as true with sports as it is with babies. Look, people who would never tell you about that piece of food hanging off the side of your mouth have no problem telling you how much they hate a new name.

So just wait until that baby or that baby-faced NBA roster pops out, and then announce the name after it’s been already stitched in the clothing. Then, they’ll be like “you know, he does look like a Buford” as if there is a certain way that a name must look. That’s ridiculous.

“Fugget about it”, though, say the fans of a team that is named after a pair of baggy knee high pants. Those enjoying the whiskey and jazz district in Salt Lake City are now singing the blues. “Doesn’t put a hitch in your giddy up” if you are a fan of a team named after a little metal piece on a boot. “Hokey”, say fans of a team named after the ability to hide a coin in a sleeve.

Another team shares a name with what I feed my children. Los Angeles has a team named after the ability to boat on lakes, and another about a type of ship. A clipper ship is the pelican of the maritime world. There’s a team named after a pace car, for the love of Pete (and I would never suggest you name a child Pete, by the way). There’s another named after a part inside an engine.

But yeah, Pelicans, that’s ridiculous. Now that I look at it, Anthony Davis does look like he’s perfect to play for a team called the Pelicans. Now wipe that food off the side of your mouth.

[photo via USA Today Sports Images]

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