Jaime Lanister – Jon Snow is no longer the main emo character. All hail one-handed Jaime Lannister! Or just dance alone in your room with the lights off. Whatever.
Margaery – Even if she is just manipulating and learning how to control Joffrey, he doesn’t deserve her. Still, things will probably end poorly for Margaery and Natalie Dormer will have her head cut off again.
Varys – What’s in the box!? Oh, just the magician who cut off your D&Bs? OK. A magician in a box. A brother with one hand. Dragon(s). Arrested Westeros is one of those few times when you really do see a lot of two shows in each other. Back to Varys though. I can’t believe he’s just getting around to getting a hold of the magician who took his manhood. That timing is almost too perfect.
Tyrion – Surprising how freely he spoke with Varys. Sadly shows how few friends he has. I honestly can’t imagine a scenario where he is able to extract revenge and survive. He and Bronn should just become King’s Landing private eyes or something. We need a spin-off before something bad happens.
The Night’s Watch – That really got out of hand fast.
Do you think Jon Snow has any idea what happened with his fellow crows? No because Jon Snow knows nothing, obviously.
Bran – “Mom! Stay out of my dreams! I’m trying to catch a three-eyed raven! Gosh!”
Theon – So this guy pretended to be a janitor, helped him escape, killed a bunch of guys, got a heart-felt confession from him and then took him back to his cell and started yelling like this wasn’t a big plan that everyone was in on? I am more confused than Theon when he found out that he felt up his sister on a horse.
Cersei – She married Robert, who she hated. She feels like she doesn’t get the love and trust of her father because she’s a woman. She was banging her brother who has now been taken from her. And she is super jealous that Joffrey has replaced her with a younger, hotter future queen. She’s got issues. Also, she says “contribute” in a weird way.
Queen of Thorns – She is the wise-cracking-est old lady in all of Westeros. I bet she raps before the end of the season.
The Hound – Does it seem like The Hound kind of feared that one-eyed fellow? Didn’t see that coming. Hopefully Bronn shows up at the last second and offers to be The Hound’s champion. No one would see that twist coming.
Dany – So remember how hard it was to watch Dany struggle in the Red Waste last season? Then she went out and her dragons got bigger and she got an army and she now controls the Unsullied and she just wrecked shit last night and there was nothing anyone could do? Well, the Red Waste was Cleveland. Dany is LeBron.
/makes thousand picture slideshow comparing characters of GOT to the NBA playoffs
Seriously though, Daenerys has taken pwnage to a whole new level. She is on some Khal Drogo-level shit right now. All dragons everything!
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