The first round of the NFL Draft has come and gone and as usual, the fans of the New York Jets are left attempting to put their lives back together. To help them cope – and to make other fans better understand what they are going through – here are the Five Stages of Being a New York Jets Fan During the NFL Draft
Unlike in the 5 stages of grief where Acceptance is the final stage, in the Five Stages of Being a New York Jets Fan During the First Round of the NFL Draft, Acceptance is the first stage. Really, an argument could be made that it is the only stage. First of all, you’re a Jets fan. You have been doomed to deal with failure and ridicule from a very young age. Your parents should be ashamed that whenever you see green – which is a really awesome color – you associate it with the Jets. But this is your life. This is what you accept and the NFL Draft is no different. Going into the draft each year, you know that your team is going to do something horrible. Arguably the most famous footage of the NFL Draft is this montage of the Jets draft blunders.
If for some reason you are pretending to not accept the mediocrity (on a good day) of the New York Jets and their ever-impending failure at the NFL Draft, then you’re in Denial. And let me tell you, Denial is more than you don’t quite get from that “queer globe class” you took when you were working on your G.E.D. If you encounter a Jets fan in denial he – or she (*shudders*) – will probably tell you how good they think the team can be this year. It is best not to laugh in this person’s face because they are always mere moments away from the next stage.
These are the type of people who drive to a swamp in the middle of New Jersey to watch television outdoors. They should be angry. The way the Jets have drafted, they could have picked Joe Montana and Barry Sanders with the 9th and 13th picks last night and Jets fans would be angry. Again, this would make sense because neither guy has played since the 90′s. They would be horrible selections in 2013. But that’s what the Jets are all about.
Bargaining Utter Confusion
Just look at this post that was written immediately after the Jets selected Sheldon Richardson. Utter. Confusion.
The first round of the draft is over. With the 9th pick the Jets selected a cornerback with health concerns to replace a cornerback with health concerns who was actually really good. With the 13th pick they selected someone they didn’t need who no one was very high on in the first place. Jets fans should be exhausted from all the anger and confusion and denial. That’s why Jets fans accept this depression. And they try to deal with it with a silly chant. Just thinking about this should depress you.