Another publication wants to know which players are the Mount Rushmore of the Jacksonville Jaguars organization, a truly worthy endeavor. Since we are late on that party, but this whole monument thing seems like a good idea to pursue, I was left to ask, which New York Giants should be honored by being selected as the Giant Heads from Easter Island?
Tiki was an obvious choice given the Polynesian name connection, though his Giant Statue Head is set off by itself and left to wonder why none of the other statues like him. Michael Strahan is a clear choice to get a Giant Statue Head, and thanks to the tireless work of our art department (see, Michael Shamburger and myself exchanging photos), we can see what an Eastern Island monolith would look like with a gap tooth. Eli Manning is elite enough to get on a Giant Head. At this point, I should probably see just how many of these giant carvings, known as moai, I have to award, because I have to make room for LT and Phil Simms and Harry Carson, and don’t want to have to make any tough choices.
Holy crap! 887. Not to worry, we’ve got this. You might think that would be too many spots, but there have been, at least according to pro-football-reference, 1493 players who have appeared in at least one game. That doesn’t even include owners, general managers, coaches, assistant coaches, scouts, training staff, and office personnel.
It should go without saying that the Maras are all getting in, including Rooney Mara and honorary family member Roger Goodell. Bill Parcells is in, Steve Owen is in, as is Tom Coughlin . . . and Allie Sherman . . . and Jim Fassel . . . and Dan Reeves. Since Jerry Jones hasn’t deemed it important enough to create a giant moai statue of Tom Landry in Dallas, he gets to come in as a Giant, thanks to playing 82 games and then serving as a defensive coordinator. Similarly, Rich Kotite played 23 games for the Giants as a tight end, and if the Eagles and Jets aren’t going to honor such a great man, he gets immortalized as a rock carving here.
Everybody on this list gets a Giant Head Statue. Would you have guessed Howard Cross is 2nd in games played for the Giants? Clear choice. Jim Burt broke Joe Montana? In. Everyone on here as well. That includes Super Bowl hero David Tyree and immortal Phil McConkey. Greg Comella, Henry Hynoski, and every other fullback gets a Giant Head. Guys who are more associated with other franchises still get a Giant Easter Island Head here: Larry Csonka, Everson Walls, Sam Madison, Lomas Brown, Morten Andersen, and Herschel Walker.
Joe Pisarcik was involved in one of the most famous plays in Giants history. That certainly merits a spot on Easter Island. Ali Haji-Sheikh is in because he is Ali Haji-Sheikh.
Okay, I think I’ve narrowed it down for you, Giants fans. I’m going to need you to vote in the comments section on the final four of the following to also get a Giant Easter Island Head Statue.
- Ray Handley, coach of the Giants from 1991 to 1992;
- Cooper Taylor, fifth round pick of the 2013 draft;
- Dick Shiner, because of his name;
- Don Maynard, 5 career catches as Giant;
- Les Shy, who is too modest to campaign for himself;
- Kurt Warner, who mentored Eli Manning so capably;
- Mike Mayock, defensive back in 1982-1983, a player with a high motor;
- Jesse Palmer, former Bachelor;
- Proverb Jacobs, who would be a wise choice;
- Shipwreck Kelly, because Shipwreck is the most awesome name ever.
Vote early and often, and we might just post the results on a day in late June when we want to all go to the pool and need some filler.
[photo via Michael Shamburger]