Take a bow, Designated Hits. Ballpark dogs and beers are on us next time. The fine folks running that site have compiled a comprehensive (and very organized) list of current at-bat walk-up and pitching music in use for Major League Baseball. It’s an incredible Internet achievement. You’ll waste a solid 15 minutes, minimum, going through it, if only to laugh at Barry Zito using “Doo Rags” by Nas or Prince Fielder waddling up to Mozart’s “Requiem.”
Anyways, since everybody thinks they’re an expert on music, here are a couple of the choicest cuts found on Designated Hits, as determined by Tim Ryan and I:
Randomly enjoyable selections
- Travis Hafner: “Sympathy of Destruction” by Megadeth … Dave Mustaine’s anger-signing would make me want to crush a baseball, too.
- Luke Scott: “Rock You Like a Hurricane” by Scorpions … Naturally the guy with Abe Lincoln sideburns would rock out to this 80s staple.
- Sean Burnett: “Here I Go Again” by Whitesnake … An emotional, stirring anthem fit for any occasion, including at-bats, christenings and edgy bar mitzvahs.
- Lou Marson: “Easy Lover” by Phil Collins … Fucks given by Phil Collins in this song’s video? Zero.
- Gordon Beckhan: “Seek and Destroy” by Metallica … Fun game, try to talk like James Hetfield for any entire day, whooooaaaaa.
- Ryan Doumit: “Mother” by Danzig … The thought of little kids hearing this on a sunny Minneapolis afternoon warms the heart.
- Kyle Blanks: “Stinkfist” by Tool. … Ænema is a great album. One of the 90s best.
- Matt Dominguez: “Electric Avenue” by Eddy Grant … The best moment of “Pineapple Express” was Seth Rogen listening to this in the car while stoned.
- Vinne Pestano: “Walk” by Pantera … ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?
- Mike Zunino: “Ante Up” by M.O.P. … Pick one, your jewels or your life. (Good thoughts for a ballpark.)
- Jason Bay: “State of Love and Trust” by Pearl Jam … Great job by Bay to represent with some original 90s grunge upon his return to his native Pacific Northwest. And knowing he would be awful, it was certainly a wise choice for Bay to suck up to the home crowd.
- Trevor Cahill: “White Rabbit” by Jefferson Airplane … Seems like such a random selection, especially since the song is about tripping on drugs. Inside joke? Trying to impress manager Kirk Gibson?
- Chris Perez: “Fire Starter” by Prodigy … What kind of fire are you trying to start, Chris?
Best usage of 90s Jams
- Eric Chavez: “Check Yo Self” by Ice Cube … Cuz shotgun bullets are bad for yo health
- Dustin Pedroia: “Real Muthaphuckkin G’s” by Eazy-E … If you heard Pedroia was using a 90s hip hop track, House of Pain “Jump” seemed like a sure bet instead of an offering from Eric Wright. (RIP)
- Anthony Gose/Juan Uribe: “This Is How We Do It” by Montell Jordan … My parents only taught me one thing in life, NEVER come whack on an old-school track.
- David Wright: “I Got 5 on It” by Luniz … If you listen to this five times in a row in front of a mirror, you’ll be taken back in time to 1995.
- Xavier Paul: “Tha Crossroads” by Bone Thugs-N-Harmony … Pour one out for Uncle Charles.
- David Hernandez: “Gangsta’s Paradise” by Coolio. … Secretly don’t we all want to stare down Michelle Pfeiffer while sitting in a chair AC Slater style?
- Jeff Baker: “Gz and Hustlas” by Snoop Dogg … A criminally underrated song from Doggystyle that often gets ignored. “With the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin’, how any hoes in 94 will I be bangin’?” Indeed, Mr. Baker, indeed.
- Nick Swisher: “Coming Home” by Diddy … Little Nicky returned to Ohio. Awwwwwwwww.
- Ryan Dempster, Jason Castro, Chris Parmalee, Jay Bruce: “Thriftshop” by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. … Find something else. White noise, an old sea shanty.
- Ian Kennedy: “I Knew You Were Trouble” by Taylor Swift … Next time you throw at a guy’s head we’ll remember you listen to Taylor Swift, tough guy.
- Mike Dunn: “Kiss it Goodbye” by Nickleback. … Clearly Dunn’s choice in music is why fans are avoiding Marlins Park.
- Phil Coke: “Burn it to the Ground” by Nickelback … Excellent idea, Phil. We’ll bring the kerosine.
Off the Top Rope
- Josh Reddick: Ryback’s theme song … No really, Ryback’s theme song, though this one seems more fitting for a closer. Or an unhinged 11-year-old.
- Nolan Reimold/Jason Giambi: n.W.o. Wolfpac Theme … More life lessons. Don’t turn your back on the Wolfpac, because you might in fact wind up in a body bag. It’s worth noting that the Wolfpac debuted in May of 1998. A little over 15 years later, Jason Giambi is still getting those at-bat juices flowing through a wrestling faction’s theme song that was seemingly birthed after driving full speed into a creative roadblock. We find this amazing, sad, and hilarious.
Best of All
- Chris Getz: RBI Baseball theme song … God bless you.
Going through, you’ll find out the Nationals’ Jayson Werth has six, (!) walk-up songs, including TV themes from “The Walking Dead” and “Game of Thrones.” Four players are still using Carly Rae Jepsen’s 2012 earworm, “Call Me Maybe.” Jay Z and Kayne’s epic “N—– in Paris” is the choice for an eclectic mix that includes Alex Rodriguez, Miguel Cabrera, Travis Buck, Jason Heyward and Shin-Shoo Choo.
The list contains plenty of early 1990s arena rock staples like Metallica and Guns N Roses, but the most popular artists appear to be Pitbull and Drake. Thirteen players use a song by the erstwhile Bud Light pitchman Pitbull, including Tyler Pastornickey, while a whopping 19 use a track from the Canadian rapper/Amanda Bynes would-be love interest/murderer Drake.
It’s interesting to see how some guys clearly take their choice in music seriously, such as R.A. Dickey going with the Star Wars “Imperial Death March” and the “Game of Thrones” of theme, while others just don’t seem to care and just pick an old AC/DC track. The Cubs are noticeably absent from the list since Wrigley Field stints to quaint organ music.
If you’re wondering at home, Mike’s at-bat music would be Grindin by Clipse, because he’s that tough, jack.
Tim’s would clearly be the theme song to Golden Girls. The inviting intro of “thank you for bein’ a friend” would send the home crowd into a frenzy each and every time.