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NFL Pigskin Pigsplosion Picks, Week 5

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The NFL, in their infinite wisdom, has 8 games at 1 p.m. on Sunday, and almost as many games starting at 11:30 p.m. (Chargers and Raiders), as at 4:25. They are as good at scheduling as we are at picking games!

Last week:
Stephen: 8-5-1
Lisk: 6-7-1

Season:
Stephen: 30-27-3
Lisk: 23-34-3

Yes, I am struggling. I blame the Giants and Steelers. And the Jaguars. And the Redskins. And Matt Schaub. And this lamp over here.

Kansas City (-3) @ Tennessee
Lisk: Missouri fans get to make the double header trip of Mizzou-Vanderbilt and Chiefs-Titans. Buy stock in the Cracker Barrell sales this weekend. {Titans)

CRM: If the Eagles had just changed to Kool-Aid red a decade ago they would have been a dynasty. (Chiefs)

Baltimore (+3) @ Miami
Lisk: Joe Flacco will bounce back from his 5 interception game and prove his eliteness. (Ravens)

CRM: The smartest fish in the sea versus the smartest bird in the sky. Tough call. (Dolphins)

Jacksonville (+11.5) @ St. Louis
Lisk: You cannot cover a double digit spread by doing nothing but checking down (Jaguars)

CRM: A 1-3 team favored by double-digits. Could Jacksonville beat Kentucky? (Rams)

New England (+1) @ Cincinnati
Lisk: Since the coaching matchup is a wash, I’m going with the team that I think has the dreamiest quarterback. (Patriots)

CRM: Disappointing Fantasy Player Bowl. (Bengals)

tampa-bay-cheerleader

Seattle (+3) @ Indianapolis
Lisk: The Seahawks are getting points for what may be one of the few times all year? (Seahawks)

CRM: Seahawks. Always the Seahawks. (Seahawks)

Detroit (+7) @ Green Bay
Lisk: Suh will kick the Packers’ nuts butts (Lions).

CRM: Over/under set at 200. I’m pounding the under. (Lions)

New Orleans (-1) @ Chicago
Lisk: Jimmy Graham will score all your touchdowns and drink all your beer, Chicago (Saints)

CRM: Thank goodness there are only 7 more games going on at the same time as this one. Dear NFL, bite me. (Saints)

Philadelphia (+3) @ New York Giants
Lisk: The Giants are favored to win a football game, which last time I checked requires some form of blocking. (Eagles)

CRM: What if the Giants went 0-16? That would be the greatest thing ever. (Eagles)

texans-cheerleaders

Carolina (-2) @ Arizona
Lisk: The Panthers are going to maul Carson Palmer. Hey, at least they traded away one of their not good linemen to thin the herd. (Panthers)

CRM: This is this week’s “Game That Exists.” (Cardinals)

Denver (-9) @ Dallas
Lisk: I’m done picking against Peyton Manning to throw for less than 4 touchdowns until I see it actually happen. (Broncos)

CRM: Just two great quarterbacks battling it out. (Broncos)

Houston (+7) @ San Francisco
Lisk: You know, if I can get real talk here, San Francisco has one actual living wide receiver and ran a bunch of one receiver sets last week. The Texans can take him away with Joseph, and J.J. Watt is good. Matt Schaub just needs to throw it to his own team (Texans).

CRM: When both these quarterbacks close their eyes, they see Richard Sherman. (Niners)

San Diego (-4) @ Oakland
Lisk: As far as you know, I’m going to be staying up to watch this game. I’m sure I won’t wake up with drool all over the couch at 2 am. (Raiders)

CRM: When you record fights at this game, please remember to turn your cell phone on its side. Thanks. (Chargers)

saints-cheerleader

New York Jets (+10) @ Atlanta
Lisk: It is at this point that I need to remind everyone how consistently awful Mark Sanchez was for extremely long stretches. (Jets)

CRM: Bring back Sanchize! (Falcons)

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