How about that A-Rod, huh? He’s sure been in the news lately.
Sorry, that was my attempt to channel Jay Leno and make light of this increasingly absurd situation that seemingly will never end. Let’s take a break from the hand-wringing or the accusations that this is a witch hunt out to get A-Rod or that Tony Bosch is one of the sleaziest scum bags to walk the earth or that baseball looked terrible appearing on 60 Minutes, barely 24 hours after the arbitrator announced A-Rod’s 162 game suspension or that baseball shouldn’t have cut a deal with PED suppliers or that the Union isn’t doing enough to protect A-Rod or whatever you want to make this case about.
There’s a time an place for that, assuming you aren’t totally fatigued by the whole story by now.
In the wake of Saturday’s decision that suspended him for 162 games and ensuing A-Rod lawsuits, few have written what the disgraced Yankees third baseman will do with his spare time if his appeal to the courts comes up short. A-Rod said he plans to attend Spring Training with the Yankees, who may opt to make him stand in the proverbial corner in their minor league camp. After that? Considering A-Rod’s pocketed over half a billion dollars in career earnings, the world should be his oyster. Here are my humble suggestions:
1. Take a class at Miami — It’s been mentioned in a few places that A-Rod is obsessed with the notion of college. Tyler Kepner wrote about it in the New York Times this weekend, with the logic A-Rod’s always been sad he elected to sign with the Mariners when he was 18 rather than attend The U. Now he has plenty of free time to enroll at Miami, or perhaps simply take a random course on Architecture or whatever topic he wants to enrich his curious mind upon on the campus where he is adored.
2. Work in the WWE — This probably won’t happen, since A-Rod is still under contract with the Yankees until 2017 and participating in Sports Entertainment might void the deal. Of course the Yankees wouldn’t mind if the deal was voided. Don’t forget, A-Rod and The Rock have certainly crossed paths plenty of times, perhaps he’s even taught Rodriguez a move or two. Better yet, who’d be a bigger heel than A-Rod? Despite his non-stop efforts to be loved and embraced by the public he still ends up mostly disliked. Lest we forgot, Mike Tyson once appeared as a “special guest enforcer” during Shawn Michaels bout with Stone Cold Steve Austin at Wrestlemania XIV.
3. Mirror Salesman — Self explanatory.
4. Popcorn/Kettlecorn judge at a county fair — Again, fairly self explanatory here.
5. Go on the Bachelor — It appears A-Rod is in a committed relationship with ex-wrestling valet Torrie Wilson, but hey, if he wants to remake his public image, The Bachelor is one route to take. We know plenty about A-Rod’s taste in women, so finding some potential cast members trying to win his affection wouldn’t be difficult.
6. Play independent ball — Admittedly, this is kind of boring. The novelty of A-Rod suiting up for the Long Island Ducks would wear off quickly. That said, what if A-Rod formed his own barnstorming team and included the likes of Jose Canseco, Rafael Palmeiro, Manny Ramirez and others? We’d have a capital idea on our hands. Let’s even dust off Jamie Moyer to pitch and make this happen. I’d considering paying $40 to watch the Rod Stars come to my city for one night.
7. Radio co-host with Mike Francesa — Francesa, New York’s No. 1, has been without a co-host since Chris Russo left for “radio nowhere” aka his own SiriusXM channel in 2008. Who better to fill the co-host seat next to Francesa than A-Rod? The pair appear to be best pals and A-Rod’s impromptu appearance on Francesa’s show in November helped spell the end of the YES simulcast. “Mike & the A-Rod” would be fantastic for all parties involved. Let’s make it happen.