Roundup: Man Survives Going Through Wood Chipper; Mid-Air Skydiving Rescue; Jennifer Lawrence Loves Doritos

emmaglover1Emma Glover … This is horrifying: Washington man gets trapped in wood chipper, lives to tell the tale. … Stradivarius violin stolen after performance in Milwaukee. … New Zealander gets bitten by shark, stitches himself up and gets a beer at pub before going to hospital. … NBA named its All-Star reserves. … Prosecutors will seek the death penalty against the Boston Marathon bombing suspect. … Alert CRM: Ian Ziering and Tara Reid will be back for Sharknado 2. … Amanda Knox’s murder conviction upheld. … Jennifer Lawrence really likes Doritos. … Michael Young will retire. … French soccer stars Franck Ribery and Karim Benzema won’t be going to jail for their alleged involvement with an underage prostitute. … Hey look, a bunch of new Game of Thrones season four photos. … Heather Mitts and A.J. Feeley welcomed a son to the world. … Wish this was a series of minimalist classic hip hop album covers. … LEGO Ghostbusters. … People liked it a few weeks ago, so here’s a link to some funny 1993 tagged pictures and GIFs. … Happy Birthday: Jessica Walter (73); Jonathan Banks (67); Nolan Ryan (67); Grant Morrison (54); Portia de Rossi (41); Paul Scheer (38); Jim Kleinsasser (37); Kerry Washington (37); Mario Williams (29); Tyler Seguin (22). … Enjoy Super Bowl weekend. Try to get loose and have fun.

Did a heroin kingpin help Sochi land the Olympics? (Probably yes.) [ABC News]

How much snow causes school closures, by U.S. state. [The Atlantic]

The dangers of old, out-of-context Tweets. [Hyper Vocal]

The long-forgotten Winter Penthalon must have been amazing. [Gear Patrol]

Rams’ owner Stan Kroenke bought a stadium-sized plot of land in Los Angeles. [St. Louis Dispatch]

The very dark, sad story of former Sons of Anarchy actor Johnny Lewis. [LA Mag]

Chris Simms recounts being a kid at the Super Bowl. [Fox Sports]

Marshawn Lynch opens up about Skittles and Ghost Riding. [Extra Mustard]

Good read on why American soccer players aren’t valued in Europe. [ESPN FC]

Colin Quinn, a great Twitter follow, talks about being hated on Twitter. [Splitsider]

This is cool. The author’s late father (a Pirates fan) went viral (by 1989 standards) and he recently found the clip on YouTube. [Douglas Derda]

The ‘Devil Frog’ was probably terrifying. [The Awl]

“The Brazilian Slum Children Who Are Literally Swimming in Garbage” could be the Vice-ist headline so far of 2014. [Vice]

Brands are creating some elaborate architectural designs to push their products. [Architizer]

All you could ever want to know about the Super Bowl punters. [700 Level]

This mid-air rescue of an unconscious skydiver is wild. [via Slade]

Allison Brie reading Craigslist Missed Connections on Kimmel.

A.J. McCarron says he knew Brent Musberger would talk about his girlfriend.

Did True Detective make a sly Kingpin reference last week? And yes, that’s Roger Clemens as “Skidmark.”

Today is the final YES Network simulcast of Mike Francesa’s radio show. Let’s remember its greatness. This New Yorker profile from 2004 is a great read, too. [via @WFANAudio]

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