Emma Glover … This is horrifying: Washington man gets trapped in wood chipper, lives to tell the tale. … Stradivarius violin stolen after performance in Milwaukee. … New Zealander gets bitten by shark, stitches himself up and gets a beer at pub before going to hospital. … NBA named its All-Star reserves. … Prosecutors will seek the death penalty against the Boston Marathon bombing suspect. … Alert CRM: Ian Ziering and Tara Reid will be back for Sharknado 2. … Amanda Knox’s murder conviction upheld. … Jennifer Lawrence really likes Doritos. … Michael Young will retire. … French soccer stars Franck Ribery and Karim Benzema won’t be going to jail for their alleged involvement with an underage prostitute. … Hey look, a bunch of new Game of Thrones season four photos. … Heather Mitts and A.J. Feeley welcomed a son to the world. … Wish this was a series of minimalist classic hip hop album covers. … LEGO Ghostbusters. … People liked it a few weeks ago, so here’s a link to some funny 1993 tagged pictures and GIFs. … Happy Birthday: Jessica Walter (73); Jonathan Banks (67); Nolan Ryan (67); Grant Morrison (54); Portia de Rossi (41); Paul Scheer (38); Jim Kleinsasser (37); Kerry Washington (37); Mario Williams (29); Tyler Seguin (22). … Enjoy Super Bowl weekend. Try to get loose and have fun.
Did a heroin kingpin help Sochi land the Olympics? (Probably yes.) [ABC News]
How much snow causes school closures, by U.S. state. [The Atlantic]
The dangers of old, out-of-context Tweets. [Hyper Vocal]
The long-forgotten Winter Penthalon must have been amazing. [Gear Patrol]
Rams’ owner Stan Kroenke bought a stadium-sized plot of land in Los Angeles. [St. Louis Dispatch]
The very dark, sad story of former Sons of Anarchy actor Johnny Lewis. [LA Mag]
Chris Simms recounts being a kid at the Super Bowl. [Fox Sports]
Marshawn Lynch opens up about Skittles and Ghost Riding. [Extra Mustard]
Good read on why American soccer players aren’t valued in Europe. [ESPN FC]
This is cool. The author’s late father (a Pirates fan) went viral (by 1989 standards) and he recently found the clip on YouTube. [Douglas Derda]
The ‘Devil Frog’ was probably terrifying. [The Awl]
“The Brazilian Slum Children Who Are Literally Swimming in Garbage” could be the Vice-ist headline so far of 2014. [Vice]
Brands are creating some elaborate architectural designs to push their products. [Architizer]
All you could ever want to know about the Super Bowl punters. [700 Level]
This mid-air rescue of an unconscious skydiver is wild. [via Slade]
Allison Brie reading Craigslist Missed Connections on Kimmel.
A.J. McCarron says he knew Brent Musberger would talk about his girlfriend.
Did True Detective make a sly Kingpin reference last week? And yes, that’s Roger Clemens as “Skidmark.”