Denver Broncos fans had a rough night. The Seattle Seahawks destroyed their favorite team and won the Super Bowl, 43-8. The game was never in doubt. The slow and increasingly inevitable descent into Super Bowl loserdom gave fans time to cope, stew, contemplate, rant, accept and cry. Here are some of the highlights that friends of fans put on YouTube in the wake of the Denver loss.
We’ll start with the most obvious reaction. Some children cried. Like this girl whose mother stuck a cell phone in her face. I mean, that’s rough. Did I ever tell you about how in 1992 I decided I was a political supporter of Ross Perot? Seriously. I was 9. For some reason I was rooting for Perot to become President. When the results started coming in and it became apparent that Perot was going to lose, I cried. If my parents had taken out a comically large camcorder, interviewed me and recorded my tears, waited 25 years and put that video online, they would have been real a-holes. Wait, why did I share this horribly embarrassing story? I guess my point is that it is much easier to be a jerk parent these days. My parents don’t even know about YouTube, thankfully.
Then there is this child who is so young she is barely bigger than the family cat. This devastating Super Bowl loss has already caused her to give up her Broncos’ fandom entirely. It’s best to walk away early, kid. You may now enjoy the rest of your life.
This Broncos fan turned to Chumbawamba. Was it a rallying cry or a coping mechanism? Who cares. When that beat drops and the chorus kicks in, you can only get back up again.
Now onto the insane fans. This female Peyton Manning fan gives us 4-minutes of delightful, NSFW, drunken ranting. Comparisons to elementary school students and this gem:
“Peyton, go bury your head in a fuckin’ hole ’cause you should be an ostrich right now. You fuckin’ suck at life. A tiger should be eating your ass.”
Then her friend tells her to go study chemistry. She explains that she cannot because she is drunk and it would not fucking register. Truthbombs all around.
Only one person was willing to comfort a heartbroken fan. This little boy sprayed his father’s face with shaving cream or whipped cream and slapped him. That’s a good kid right there.
Finally, here are some reasonable fans. This group and their Welker-jersey-wearing leader made my favorite fan video of the Super Bowl. (Well, this is tied with with the Chumbawamba dude.) See, some fans are realists who understand that life will go on. These fans have already turned their attention to next season when they will cover the field in Bronco semen so that Marshawn Lynch can’t even run in the Super Bowl rematch. Or they’ll go back in time to 2014 using Doc Brown’s time machine. I feel like this might be the PBR talking and I can identify with that. If only I had been old enough to enjoy PBR back in 1992.