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#FREEJIMMER: Sacramento Kings Buy Out Jimmer Fredette, Thus Ending Our Long National Nightmare

Golden State Warriors v Sacramento Kings

Jimmer Fredette and the Sacramento Kings have agreed to a buyout. Finally. The long Sacramento nightmare is finally over. Jimmer is free after 3 partial seasons, 3 bad coaches and too many DNP-CDs to count. Now Jimmer, the guy who was leading the NBA in 3-point shooting percentage at the All-Star break, can go somewhere and actually play. It’s a beautiful day.

Jimmer’s time in Sacramento was rough, but he never complained. Instead, he let other, lesser men yell, rant, swear and use extraneous hashtags while railing against the owners, his teammates, whichever coach they were currently employing and the organization in general.

Jimmer may never reach the highs of his BYU days as a professional, but he was a bad fit in a bad organization that remains a mess. Hopes for freedom were raised at multiple points in the last couple years, but trading deadlines came and went with nothing but rumors. When he played 4 minutes in three games following his 24-point explosion against the Knicks on February 12th. I thought all was lost for another full season.

Thankfully, it was not. The buyout happened and now we wait for a new team and a fresh start. To help prepare you for all possibilities, I have listed every team in the NBA in order of best case to worst case scenario for his destination for the rest of the season. This list is based on many factors: How much he would play, how good the team is, how many open jumpers he would get, how many times the teams are likely to visit Brooklyn or New York before the season ends and how good I look in that team’s officially licensed merchandise.

1. New York Knicks – 5 games out of the playoffs, but with a void at point guard so Jimmer and Melo could shoot so many jumpers!

2. Chicago – Jimmer could take all the shots for the Bulls the rest of the year and then play in a hard fought 7-game first round series before the Bulls get swept by the Pacers or Heat in the second round.

3. Los Angeles Lakers – A Mike D’Antoni offense featuring Kendall Marshall and Jimmer Fredette?

4. Miami – RINGZZZ and wide open jumpers 10 minutes a game every third game.

5. Indiana – ECFZ and wide open jumpers.

6-9. San Antonio, Oklahoma City, Houston, LAC – Role player and a trip deep into the playoffs!

10. Brooklyn – The Nets would be higher, but I have watched him split enough minutes with Marcus Thornton in my life.

11-16. Cleveland, Toronto, Washington, Charlotte, Atlanta, Detroit – Eastern Conference playoffs which means Jimmer could definitely play because the Eastern Conference stinks!

17-21. Portland, Dallas, Golden State, Phoenix, Memphis – Trip to the playoffs. Maybe!

22. Boston – Close enough for me to drive!

23-25. Minnesota, Denver, Utah – PT on crappy Western Conference teams.

26-28. Orlando, Philadelphia, Milwaukee – PT on crappy Eastern Conference teams.

29. New Orleans – I won’t be able to survive Tyreke Evans again.

30. Sacramento – Nope. Good riddance. Can’t wait until Isaiah and Big Cuz move elsewhere to taste the playoffs. It’s been real. Now let’s party.

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Previously: DeMarcus Cousins Confirms That Jimmer Has Moves, Now Can the Kings Please Trade Jimmer?
Previously: Jimmer Fredette and Justin Timberlake Have Been Tight Since the 90′s
Previously: Jimmer Fredette Got Married, But Some Neighbors Confused His Rehearsal Dinner with UFOs
Previously: Jimmer Fredette & His Fiancée Were a Dalmatian and Cruella de Vil for Halloween

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