Ian Darke Provides Exquisite First Date Commentary in Funny ESPN World Cup Promo

Ian Darke is the best. I’m sorry if you feel otherwise, but it’s a fact. American soccer fans fell in love with the venerable Englishman during the 2010 World Cup. Sadly, this June will be the last time we’ll be able to hear Sir Ian behind a microphone anytime soon. ESPN lost the rights to the 2018 and 2022 World Cups to FOX, meaning we likely won’t hear Darke again — unless executives at FOX are smart and hire him the second the 2014 final in Brazil is over.

You have to love the affable Darke’s comedy chops on display in this promo for ESPN’s World Cup coverage as he narrates an awkward first date. He works in some of his famous calls like, “absolute firecracker” and “Go Go (USA)” into the piece. Honestly I have no idea what this has to do with the World Cup, but I still enjoyed it. (Promos like this are yet another reason ESPN losing World Cup rights stinks.)

Reminder: Darke announcing even the most mundane daily events (standing in line at the DMV, shopping for tube socks, blogging) would be amazing.

As an added bonus, the clip gives me some fun ideas for my next date. (Rest assured I’m as bumblingly and inept as the dude in the clip.) Good thing the cameras cut off before the couple heads off for dessert since it would turn from funny into very, very creepy awfully quick.